Stream Blog - Page 10 of 67 - Janet PearlmanJanet Pearlman | Living in the Stream of Yes

June 21, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Self-Judgment Part of Growth

We want to develop more and more inner strength. Yes, we look forward to more clarity, self-respect and self-support along with greater compassion for others.

Some may feel reluctant to delve into thought patterns that feel very uncomfortable—even upsetting. Oh My! For those of us raised in these times those thoughts can sound like a truth about ourselves

But no! Becoming aware of these feelings of shame and self-judgment, so common in our culture, comprise an important aspect of the path to more growth.

Proceeding with guidance from others more experienced, we change the deep habit of a lesser view of self to one with much more kindness and health.

Maisie’s Experience

Maisie woke up in the night, feeling upset. She thought “Oh I have had a bad dream.” Soon, our star realized she could not return to sleep because she had morphed into reviewing a topic about her life about which she felt awful.

To start, what did she do to comfort herself?

As a first step she got up to go check her email and bring her attention to present time.

This worked for immediate soothing and in about an hour she was able to return to bed and fell asleep.

What of this disturbance? Next morning as she pondered her circumstance, she recognized how the depth of this discomfort was shame and self-judgment.

We can benefit from noticing this pattern within us.

View from Soul Without Shame

Byron Brown, in his work Soul Without Shame explains how we can use this constructively.

“If you choose to pursue inner work, the search for understanding who you are, what your life means and what reality is—you are by necessity setting yourself directly in conflict with your (editor: inner) judge. To explore what you believe, what you experience, why you act and feel the way you do is to question the authority of the judge.”[1]

In other words, by looking into the discomfort we begin to shake up the basis on which the self-judgment operates.

We “use it in the work” or find “Grist for the mill” as we keep going and growing.

Maisie’s Unfolding

Here are some reframing points for Maisie.

She will feel strong emotion as part of life and she is safe will it flows through. Even with that incident described, the charge, the fear involved, was dissipated as she let herself feel it.
Wow all she has to do is allow it and keep going.
This heroine realizes that her inner environment of shame and fear in those distressing moments is NOT at all speaking “the truth” about her.
Instead, she has experienced False Evidence Appearing Real.
She can flow with compassion for herself as she lets herself be human. Everyone has felt this discomfort. Maisie is whole now on this journey of waking up..

This process constitutes a means of becoming clearer. We notice our thoughts, bit by bit, as we can. Accept ourselves the way we are today: a dear human becoming more vital and alive.

Do you have a story from your growth of a liberating moment? Please share!

1 Brown, Byron, Soul Without Shame, Guide to liberating yourself from the judge within, (Boston, MA; Shambala Publications, Inc, 1999) 81

June 13, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Relief in Self Care

We do like to please those around us, of course we all enjoy feeling harmonious with others. Some of us are habituated to do what it takes to promote this “all getting along.” On occasion two of the surrounding “family” may root on two different sides of an issue. Does the pressure on ourselves, the price of keeping the peace, really serve anyone? This post says, “No, it does not.”

Background

Molly had an invitation to a family meal from her sibling. This person had suffered a recent trauma and M was putting focus into supporting her as best she could. Meanwhile, Molly’s husband did not want her to attend the dinner. He thought that exposure to all these people would endanger Molly’s health.

Feeling Pressured

Molly felt pressured, torn in two directions. Reviewing her dilemma did not help—she became more agitated and upset. We wanted to please them.

Our star did get the insight to contact a wise friend who would offer her kindness and clarity, who would carry the perspective of the Forces of Good. M reached out.

The Guidance

The friend responded, “Wow pleasing both sides here may not be possible. Let’s discuss getting you some relief from this pressure. How can you feel better?

I recommend finding your own clarity and balance once again.

First of all, we can remind ourselves that you have been spending lots of extra time with this dear sister. You already have proven yourself to be a valuable ally. She knows your love.

Your husband feels protective of you and wants to keep you safe. He gets frightened at the thought of you being made ill or suffering. His fear makes him become loud and insistent.

We can understand both sides and we can see your choice as less consequential. Both will continue to love you whatever choice you make for these few hours of one day.

Try out this to the sister: My husband really wants me to stay home this time. You can understand why I am inclined to follow his wishes this time. There are so many others to enjoy the day with you on this occasion. Honestly, I will enjoy the time of less activity and more rest.

Try out this to the husband: Honey, I want to at least make an appearance at this special holiday group. It is being held outside and I will wear a mask. You know I am very healthy and strong. And you know you will be fine whatever I do. I feel committed to supporting my sister and want to do this.

The Resolution

The friend engaged with Molly for a good while. As she listened, Molly found herself letting go, crying with relief. Wow she started to know that which choice was not so critically important.

Yes, our heroine realized recovering her composure was very important to her. She had gotten upset and distorted her perception about this decision. She wanted to follow her Own Inner Guidance and value Her Own Well Being.

A few days later, Molly contacted her friend to thank her again for her soothing words. It had been just what she needed and she sailed through her holiday.

Take Away

We can pay more attention to when the tension is building inside us. Oh yes this is fear and we want to go within to find our own soothing an clarity. We can tune into what our Inner Voice is whispering; in what way we need to care for ourselves. What soothing comes to us then?

Have an example from your life? One where we felt pressure to please others and got relief to honor ourselves? Please comment and share it with us! We uplift one another as we care for ourselves!

June 6, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Recovery On Purpose

6 2 23

We do want to feel as good as we can in each moment. We notice a dip in our mood. How do we respond? Let’s review through Clarissa’s story.

The Beginning

Clarissa’s spirits plummeted. Yes, she got bummed out when she did not receive a response to a note she sent a man on the dating site. Yes some other discouraging moments happened. (Aside: Reviewing how poorly we feel will bring to us more of feeling poorly.)

Quite regularly, this woman had been practicing uplifting herself. She said inside herself, “When I feel low, I know that view is not the whole picture. It’s not ‘All That I Am.’ Source Energy views me as shining, happy and successful.”

A bit more time passed, then she felt some brightness, “I am completely fine as I feel discouraged. Gosh I certainly have cycled through these moods before. Good continues to flow from me and to me. The sun still shines behind clouds and storms. “

The lift increased; her mood brightened some. C starting recalling some of the many good things that she had experienced. So many! In fact, she took the time to list some, writing them out brought them to her consciousness again. She smiled.

Gaining Momentum

The uplift process was gaining momentum: now our star felt a good chunk happier. C followed her impulse to check on her new plantings, A joy to behold! This woman viewed some nature photographs on Facebook and felt delight—that felt better!

The next day after a good night’s sleep Clarissa felt much better and appreciated how wonderful was that first thing in the morning reboot! Hee Haw!

Going to email, she exclaimed, “Look at this. I got an offer for bodywork exchange; I got a response from an internet dating email showing interest in a meet. Cool!.”

This protagonist looked for good in the world on a day that she felt somewhat low. That first day she continued to reach for more satisfaction, as she was able, bit by bit.

Next day Clarissa attracted some fun things showing up, she got some of what she wanted, mood lifting, and validation.

That morning this woman felt more of her own beauty. Gazing in the mirror she perceived a nice-looking female! She said to herself, “I have been practicing seeing my beauty and the focus is paying off. I love looking for beauty, I love looking for what I enjoy and I love finding it in my own image!”

Take Away for Readers:

Keep track of how you are feeling.

Accept when a dip shows up.

Persist in reaching for thoughts that feel better.

Know that Good surrounds you and does show up!

Appreciating what you see.

Expect you will find it more and more often and with greater ease.

Celebrate and shout out that you did this on purpose! Juicy!

You are shaping your perception and changing your life. Stand up and take a bow!

What from your life resonates with this post? Please share your successes!

May 30, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Shifting the Atmosphere

We can feel so helpless in this world. So many things flowing by, so much activity. Yes, some people we have heard about are praying for protection, healing or grace. Can that actually change anything?

We know that we can get results. Let’s read this illustration.

Background

Flowers II, 24 x 30, acrylic on canvas, $595

Loretta and her husband own rental property. Over the last half year they have had difficulty with the tenants both paying the rent and with damage to the property. As this story begins, L has hired an attorney and taken legal action to evict these renters. Repeatedly the actions had not yet resulted in getting those people out of there!

Our star was beyond frustrated. And this was one of the complaints she shared upon coming to a wise practitioner, Erma, for some relaxing bodywork.

“We are running out of options. We have been trying to protect our property and our financial status while acting within the law,” she declared.

Suggestion

Erma focused on how to be a soothing force for Loretta. Certainly E’s primary focus was collecting the information she needed to focus her session for maximum benefit to L’s well being.

Before she began the hands on portion of the session, E asked Loretta. “If you would like, I can make a suggestion for you regarding your problem with the tenants. You may find it pretty far out. It won’t cost anything 😊.”

L responded, “Sure. Tell me what it is.”

Erma said, “In quiet time, I recommend that you appreciate these tenants, running lists of these good qualities in your mind. You might even write them down. Do this as often as you can, perhaps daily would flow for you.”

Then Erma went on to spend the healing hour with Loretta.

Interval and Return

About six weeks transpired before Loretta came for another session.

Loretta shared how things had been going for her and where she wanted the focus to be for this time.

Before she climbed onto the table, Loretta piped up, “Oh by the way, remember the issue with the tenants? I followed your recommendation, appreciating them, and it worked! They moved out: no drama, they just went. I am so grateful for your wisdom.”

Erma smiled.

We can create an atmosphere of Good and that promotes Good. Fun to notice, eh!

Do you have stories from your own life where you appreciated and good things flowed? Please tell us in the Comments section!

May 23, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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From Resentful to Empowered

In this dear culture in which we live, we might find ourselves feeling resentment toward another. That person may have hurt us in the past and often we want something from that other that he or she is not easily offering. Here is one account of how we might shift our thoughts and feelings to find more contentment with this person.

The Habit

Dana experienced being first born among her siblings and recalled in childhood how the younger sister, Brae, middle of three children, quested for her mother’s attention whenever she could.

For childhood years and beyond Dana had filled a role as dutiful big sister and protector, helping to manage those younger family members. Sister Brae had sought out D to report her tales of woe and to request her to handle various family tasks. In the course of her own healing our heroine followed a path of becoming more confident and powerful, clearing old hurts, standing with self-respect and more.

In adulthood now Dana focuses primarily on her own life, stepped up when asked, sent appropriate gifts on the holidays. She did not seek out contact beyond that.

Dana Addresses the Hurt

In her heart this star wanted to be seen and known as who she had become, the person who she had crafted herself and flowered into being.

The Incident

A few days before D’s birthday, sibling Brae, invited her to a family zoom call. AT first D groaned inside as she “graciously” accepted the offer. Our birthday woman would enjoy a brief check in with all of Brae’s children. Ideally what Dana wanted was getting lots of attention and showered with affection. D knew that the call was unlikely to offer that.

As the appointed time for the call approached, Dana got inspired to face what was going on with her. “Wait a minute, I feel tight with resentment just under the surface. Is that paving the way for a fun family call?” D thought.

“Heck, no!” cried our protagonist. “Let me see what is going on here.”

Dana sat quietly and asked herself what she wanted to remember right now.

“Hmm I notice how I want praise and affection. Like the kind I would want from a parent figure. I see Brae wants that too. Neither of us can satisfy the other. We both want to be filled with Self Love, and each of us can only get satisfied by tuning into the Good Around Us, Source Energy.

“Why not focus on beaming love out to the others on the call. Enjoy them and I am enjoying myself! That is all I have to do.”

D breathed. Pause.

“Why not put out the love I want to increase in this world! “

Resolution

During the zoom call, the dear woman Dana did her best with her new orientation. She smiled a lot, beamed and then rested, making the call ok. She did feel better on the call than on communications in the past. This change required practice and bit by bit she embraced her new direction with Brae. Dana liked feeling more powerful over feeling resentment. 😊

Do you want to ask a question? Share a story that resonates with this message of empowerment? Please comment. Does it feel great to take charge of ourselves?? !!!

May 16, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Our Process with Miracles

We can get what we want and be ourselves along with the way. Yes we reach for “expecting” and we slip into negativity for moments too. Still miracles show up.

Catrina’s Story

Oops sometimes Catrina forgot to “expect” to get what she wanted. How could that happen? (tongue in cheek humor: C was raised in the world of limited beliefs that are most of us.)

She looks for good. This spring Catrina needed to get the lawn where she lived mowed—at a reasonable price, i.e. very reasonable. The person who had done it last year is no longer available. C winced at the possible prices. Around her houses at double and triple the value were popping up.

The man across the street recommended his nephew mow C’s lawn and our star agreed. . Meanwhile two weeks went by with no message from the nephew. The protagonist did take initiative to peruse bulletin boards at the local coffee shop and hardware store and did come away with one possible service. News came that the nephew was too busy to help her.

Catrina admits that compared with her optimism at the outset, her spirits had begun to slip. She noted in herself a bit of resistance when C started to calculate a Plan B for her budget if the lawn care cost more than she preferred.

The Turning Point

Hey ho! Our heroine called that one name from the postings—that man volunteered to come over for an estimate in a few hours. His lawn care fulfilled her desires and the price was an excellent, affordable value. What a miracle to connect with just what she wanted!

Then Catrina realized another layer—the Forces of Good delivered what she needed even when her own emotions got discouraged. Good to remember how loved and protected we are!

Do you want to share a similar story? Questions or comments? Please share.

May 9, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Feel Good on the Way to Goals

On a path of growth, we will always notice something more we want. Go after it, yes, and enjoy life on the way. Let’s relax, feel good and be kind to ourselves. Some goals may take longer than others. Let’s read this exchange, cheering on persistence.

The Exchange

This story begins with Sylvia running a group promoting consciousness of our thoughts and feelings. S facilitates sharing on how we can focus so we live in with a more playful attitude, more expression of kindness, enjoying our lives.

Karima was attending, eager to soak up tools and insight on how to pay attention to manifest these changes.

First, they discussed Karima approach to going for greater financial abundance.

Then in a few moments, Sylvia discusses how she plays with her goal of attracting a partner. She is dating, so far has not found a boyfriend, and is enjoying her life anyway. She said:

“I stay in the moment. On this journey I want to appreciate all that I DO manifest and what I am learning. So far, the dating has not resulted in a boyfriend per se but I am growing so much stronger, more self-supporting and happier on the way to this goal.

Karima says, “Since you are not meeting your goal and you are happy, don’t you wonder if you are denying your goal? “

Sylvia says, “No I am not denying my goal. I know when I am flowing fully in happiness about a goal, it will be met. If I have not yet achieved my goal, I do have some resistance about it.

I proceed learning about myself, making changes in my attitude and assumptions. Enjoying as much as I can as I persist.

Further, S said, “If I told myself ‘I am denying my goal’ I would hurt my own feelings. It sounds like a self-put-down somewhat of a mean self-assessment. Instead, I am training myself to speak kindly to my dear self.”

Karima responded, “Well for myself I want to be clear I really want to meet my goals! I really want to get there! “

S tells her, “Good for you. You know your desires. What I am holding out here is a possibility of enjoying the path to the goal, to find a place of happy with or without getting just what you want right now.”

K speaks up, “Ok I can see that. I want patience and I want to tune into the moment and relax while I go toward the goal. I can chill more 😊”

S nods with energy, “You got it. Yes!”

Did you benefit from this post? Do you have a story from your own life to share? Please comment!

May 1, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Recovery Process from Self Blame

Often and consistently, many of us want to think as positively as we can, especially about ourselves! Oh my, but my thoughts do regularly stray to self blame! Some situations can feel overwhelming and out dated patterns of self talk can start to run in our heads. As we progress on our path, we find more kindness to ourselves and more ease. Here is a story to inspire our forward movement.

Georgia and Self Talk

Georgia received some money from her sister, invested it and lost a chunk of it. G blamed herself thinking, “I could have bought a lot with those funds that slipped away! I feel awful!”

This dear woman’s fear about money got stimulated and hurt came up about past financial projects that did not go well. G fear every morning

Our heroine sought help to regain her strength and belief in abundance. What to do, how to shift?

Enter the Mentor

The Mentor responded,

“It’s such good news that you want to clean up this thought pattern that makes you wrong and creates more of what you do not want. How wonderful that you notice! Good that you want to shift more and more so that the positive thinking trends forward and has more power to attract.

You can make it ok, however you feel at this moment.

Cultivate compassion for yourself.

On this human journey, you practice thought patterns again and again. What a worthwhile undertaking!

Appreciate whatever you can. Perhaps you can build in times of the day when you purposely pause to notice what is going well.

Flow with what is easiest. And offer yourself plenty of rest in your day.

What you are doing is enough!”

Outdated thought: “It is taking me so long!”

In addition, our heroine realized she was on a journey of changing deeply held habits of thought and that shifting these will take some focusing over time. This is what the growth looks like for everyone.

Outdated thought: “I should be giving more service to the world”

When we are feeling frisky, full of life, feeling good, flowing and creating—tuned in, tapped in, turned on—we are giving abundantly to this dear planet.

We are one with humanity and when we thrive, we contribute mightily.

So many of us can relate to the way Georgia found herself repeating self-blaming patterns.

Feeling Success

Notably this protagonist felt great relief as she shifted her thinking. G tasted the ease that is possible. For additional help she received some Jin Shin Jyutsu and knew profound release in her body as well. And she supports herself with the directive; “Keep Going!”

Please share your stories of lifting your own self talk. Do you have a question? Please ask it! Together we are creating a more satisfying journey!

April 25, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Keep Going Even When Afraid

We have all felt afraid at times. Many know that experience “Frozen in Fear” or a cousin version “Daunted by Fear.” Let’s review a story where the protagonist felt strongly frightened and proceeded anyway, discovering her path to developing self-mastery bit by bit.

Some of us prefer to live reaching for living a loving feeling over being overcome with trepidation.

When fearfulness floods us, we reach for recalling the potent force of love. Standing by our commitments– the process involved allowing these emotions like insecurity, worry to pass through us while soothing ourselves with wisdom and powerful techniques.

Karen’s Tale

Karen received notice that her current situation for storing her possessions could not continue: she would need to find other accommodations for her stuff. Oh my! Our dear one felt a flood of panic and dread, with thoughts like “I am alone.” “I cannot do this.” running amok: habits of thought and feelings from her past. The new plan for storage represented a mini-move that would take assistance and some weeks.

“Hey last time I got this scared there was not really any danger,” our heroine recalled with a smile. “The beliefs behind this fear are outdated.”

With the strong uncomfortable emotions flowing this dear woman did not and could not shift her attitudes on a dime. In fact no human can. Now Karen has developed more kindness for herself and reached for tools like these:

She :

Walked in nature
Read a novel
Sat and visualized some helpful, protective and loving inner figures.
Prayed for inspiration for next steps
Sought and received support from friends
Rested
Focused her mind onto what she wanted.

As soon as K was able, Karen proceeded to work her agenda. Each day this protagonist became clearer and more energetic, bit by bit applying herself to empty that space of her possessions.

This lass succeeded! The designated area got cleared and possessions moved to new accommodation. Friends with trucks volunteered to assist her. Many folks received some new treasures, charity shops benefited.

Karen moved from love! This woman stands tall, feeling more vibrant, more able to take life as it comes. She gained strength in living her commitments. Ahhh …..

Do you have a story of facing your fears to share? What worked for you to make that passage? Please comment. Let’s share our wisdom!

April 18, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Benefits of Body Blip

Remarkable! In instances of a body disharmony, we can experience so many blessings as we choose to shift our attention to our body in wholeness.

Blessing Number One: Taking the Bounce

When facing the unwanted, we receive greater inspiration toward what we DO want to create. Do you realize how many innovative healing methods are created because someone really needed them? These contrasting experiences provide fuel for our inner fire—to move, to create what IS WANTED.

Like reveling in sunshine after a rainy day, we get to experience a shift to the better in a way that we would never feel if all always went without a hitch.

Blessing Number Two: Practice Focusing on Well Being

When in distress, we may find ourselves reviewing what unwanted situation is presenting; a habit of thought so many of us run.

This past week Mary Lou noticed her gait in walking was slower and somewhat awkward. She started scanning for what she did “wrong” to “cause” this. Her mind reviewed the leg blip and she also noticed she felt down.

But “Wait a Minute,” ML cried. “I want to reach for doing something for myself that is more constructive.” Instead of bemoaning her fate or worrying, Mary Lou wanted to marshal the fuel of the inspiration.

Our star treated herself to a Feldenkrais session. She basked, “Boy did that feel great– a freedom in body, more energy and a major shift in mood for the better. I love turning points!”

Blessing Number Three: Learning the Value of Ease and Rest

Mary Lou said to herself, “I make it ok. On my life path I will have some discomforts. I felt slowed down, slept more, enjoyed my food, rested, read engaging novels. Let me call up Imagined Figures of Protection and Support.”

ML continued through her day, “What can I notice? I loved the way I felt after yoga class, the revitalization coming through a mist of discomfort. I saw outside the frost on the freshly mowed grass. Wow I can hear so many active birds singing their heads off: glad I slowed down enough to take that in. I envision walking with ease.”

Healing and Renewed Focus

Before too long Mary Lou feels her leg and walk improved. Hee Haw! After a period of tension, fear and drag with a body disharmony, our heroine loves feeling extra good on the other side of contrast.

This dear woman continues to keep her focus on what she can do for her leg and what new sensations she can relish. Sometimes she moves slowly and gets the advantage of seeing that bird perched on the very top of that fir tree.

When her mood dips, she shifts. Maybe she might revitalize with some breathing or yoga postures. Her life is enriched!

What stories of recovery do you want to share? How did you help yourself? Please comment. We benefit from others insights.