Stream Blog - Janet PearlmanJanet Pearlman | Living in the Stream of Yes

April 23, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Healing Self Blame

So many of us blame ourselves in harsh and hurtful ways. Hey those statements are NOT TRUE. The inner attitude of shaming damages us further; it adds no value. Self Blame represents a habit of thought that many of us are changing now.

Learn how the change happens. Awaken to the bit by bit steps and the enormous progress it constitutes.

Below one story of releasing the grip of self blame bit by bit, getting to more ease.

The Incident

On April morning Lily backed her car into another vehicle parked askew in the driveway. Oh my! She had come out of the house feeling rushed and irritated. At impact this heroine flooded with panic and self blame. L wanted to handle this in balance and ease—soon it became clear that no she felt deeply upset.

This heroine notified the owner, exchanging information, etc. A neighbor said, “These things happen. It will be ok.” That wash of kindness over her felt really good, highlighted against her inner horror.

Later that morning at yoga class L’s friend shared how she had an embarrassing fender bender in her own driveway, the friend’s car hit the husband’s truck. Lily felt some relief as she got a glimpse of a bigger picture, one where she realized others on occasion experienced such blips as hers.

Aware of what her mind was doing our star noticed her mind kept reviewing the incident, hearing the crunch sound,blaming herself and calling herself stupid.

Lily took time to dissipate these strong emotions. The yoga helped. The self-blame reaction did not stop immediately.

The book by Cherie Huber entitled There’s Nothing Wrong with You, brought a bit of soothing. This volume described how prevalent this running of self-hate is in our culture and how many easily feel fear. Lily found comfort in knowing her reaction was so much a part of a larger cultural habit of thought, so common to many.

Gratefully, Lily was able to picture Guardian Angels, Michael among them, close by and touching her. Through that lens she remained worthy and lovable. :) By the evening of that first day she felt more accepting of herself.

On the second day after the accident L started to have fun again. Hey Lily became awake to the fact that she was the one creating such a painful reaction. “Hey,” L cried, “I can stop doing that!” Reaching for connection to Unseen Good was working!

This protagonist saw, “Wow these self -judging thoughts are so active in me. I want to run my life with a kinder, more compassionate attitude starting today.”

Two weeks later she was experiencing more calm and balance. In those first hours, Lily had not pictured any good coming from this contrasting episode. Before too long, the gain in self-awareness produced very important insights that continue.

Hooray for the clarity to commit to more self love. How wonderful to dedicate herself to this! Perceiving what she can do feels marvelous. Knowing how much like other humans is she also soothes her.

Do you have a story of self- forgiveness to share? How we let go of attitudes and recover makes powerful medicine to share. Please comment.

About the Author

Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. In these posts composed of true stories, she inspires others to know themselves and compassionately to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-five year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.

April 16, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Thoughts We Choose

We are building our awareness of ourselves: thoughts, words and deeds. The more awareness, the more empowered we become. That feels so good.

When we feel an upset, what is our reaction? Is this response aligned with the Forces of Good. Does it feel like a boost and promote Well Being? Below another story to illuminate the empowerment process.

The Story

Katelyn, one of five children, learned that one of her siblings suffered a fall. The 66-year-old brother Pete seemed most vulnerable of her family, a man living with autism and Parkinson’s disease, residing in an excellent group home.

In the last two months Pete’s accodemt damaged one of his legs. He was briefly hospitalized and then received physical therapy as his residence stepped up to provide what services he needed.

Katelyn got frightened for Pete. Immediately she monitored his situation, visited, and increased her communication with him.

K brought her response to Pete’ story to a counseling session. “I notice I am telling myself now that ‘Life is fragile.’ As I scan my self-care regime, I notice my fear that I might fall, that my balance is not good enough. Life is so fragile!”

The Counselor

The Counselor asked, “Is your life more fragile because your brother took a tumble?”

No in fact life is not more insecure. You just got scared.

Moving forward, let’s lay out some messages for yourself that encourage what you DO want.

Law of Attraction tells us that on what we put focus attracts what we get. Wow.

‘Life is fragile.’ Do we want the results of a fragile life? No! Of course not.

Instead, how about this kind of statement: ‘I am becoming more balanced and stronger.’

With a broader view what else has come from this happenstance for Pete?

He has more kindness flowing to him, more connection in his home and with his siblings.

Now you can put attention on how much is going well, your own power and resilience, and the excellence of your self care.”

Katelyn: “Yes I feel that shift inside myself. I pay attention to my strength and how much I am growing. I thrive now.”

Please share your own wake up story. We benefit from the wisdom we acquire on this path.

About the Author

April 9, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Awake to the Beauty Around Us

Let’s relish the beauty all around us. We can appreciate unanticipated delights. Here are some examples in which to bask and recall our own treasured vistas.

Example One

Early one morning Ernie took a quick look out his window.

The light was rising; the sky was clear; a brightening, pleasant unremarkable scene.

In a few minutes E felt an impulse to turn his head back to the window. Gazing, Ernie’s breath caught in astonishment. The horizon line was bright with oranges and yellows. As his eyes rose, he beheld layers of color, purples in stripes, all through the clouds. The sky was completely infused with color. It flabbergasted him!

Example Two

About twenty years ago Ned readied for his commute. Our star took a quick glance out the window, a fine day, lovely if unremarkable morning light. Soon after, N stood at his car scraping windshield ice. Ned felt a pull to look up to the heavens. Wow! Ablaze before him the hero gazed, mouth open at glorious sky: a sunrise brilliant with strong mauve, oranges, yellows and pink. These colors were intense and vibrant. The vista was so unexpected…

This protagonist had no idea what delight was in store. There had been no sign.. So much Grace.. That fabulous events show up without warning.

We feel can reach for feeling good and to perceive the bounty offered. We can attract delightful experiences of all kinds.

Example Three

Ben drove the main road to the nearest city where there were more businesses, classes and more. One December morning B came upon a familiar scene: a large field, barn and trees behind. On this day there was a fog and the view was one of awesome beauty. In Ben’s head he heard, “Stop and take this picture!”

He pulled over, grabbed his camera and started to shoot. Infused with awe, B took pictures effortlessly.

Months later Ben accepted an opportunity to submit photos to a calendar contest run by the local monthly paper. A new activity, he picked out a few shots and recalled this one and included it. That submission won and was featured on a monthly page. The whole atmosphere around this picture felt like grace.

Take Away:

Look around for beauty and find it!

Know surprises await you in many forms.

Feel satisfied and be ready.

I would dearly love to hear some of the wonderful things that arrive to delight you. Please comment.

About the Author

April 2, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Self-Compassion Worth It!

As we practice new habits of thought, let’s be kind to ourselves along the way. We humans require process, practice, time in order to shift our patterns of thinking especially about how we talk to ourselves!

Let’s make it ok to be just where we are at any moment. We may realize we are spewing unproductive self-talk that limits and shames us.

In this post an everywoman catches herself coming from an outdated premise and judges that in herself. Then she opens herself to a better alternative.

Heidi’s Story

Heidi consulted a wise and respected friend.

H shared, “I am very upset. I caught myself taunting the man I am dating by asking him if he was running home to his girlfriend. Now I see I did not have the courage to tell him I want him to be exclusive with me.”

Heidi felt distraught and ashamed of her words to her male friend.

Dixie, the advisor, wants H to experiment with an alternative to shaming herself.

Advisor’s Response

D reports, “In Good Morning, I Love You the author Shauna Shapiro points out the chemical effect in our beings when we trigger shame. Shauna writes, ‘When we feel shame, the amygdala, the part of our brain that is central to memory, decision making and emotional responses, triggers a cascade of norepinephrine and cortisol chemicals. That chemical soup increases our stress level, narrows our perspectives and perceived ‘threats’ and inhibits our cognitive flexibility. Shame puts in the fight, flight or freeze survival response, thereby inhibiting the learning center of the brain… If we want to learn from our mistakes, we need a compassionate mind set, not shame. “[1]

Heidi inquired, “What could I say to myself that would be more constructive?”

Trusted D continued,

“First let’s understand what was going on with you inside. You meant to respect your male friend. You did not want to demand too much from him or crowd him. We can see you were feeling your way to interest him, maintain the connection and the flow.

In this processing, you now discern your own inner desires. You do want more from him—exclusivity, a bit more commitment and closeness, perhaps more frequent visits. You have more clarity about what you want, always a good thing!

A Bright Future

You have a bright future! When you feel ready, you can share with him that which you have learned about your deeper desires. You can accept yourself as you enjoy this companion. It’s ok to know you want something more committed. Will he be turned off when you inform him that you want that? We don’t know until you have that conversation, and you can call the shots.

You can support yourself as you prepare yourself to share more of your heart. You are worthy of your own love for yourself right now.”

Do you want to offer yourself more self-compassion? Do you want to share an account about acting with kindness to yourself? Please comment! We love empowering one another.

[1] Shauna Shapiro, Good Morning, I Love You, (Boulder, CO, Sounds True, 2020) p. 79

March 26, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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A Clearing Self Blame Moment

As we grow in focusing on Good, we flush up past moments of self- blame and clear them one at a time! Hooray! We realize certain self-put- down habits of thought are no longer true and now we want to refocus and align with Good.

That first step of recognizing some negative on self is a success already. We let these irritants come to the surface and then question them. Do I still believe this?

Dame Rocket Spring, 9 x 12, Acrylic, $120

Second, are these poorer feeling thoughts true to us now? Do we want to shift that habit of thought? For those images that were unkind and limiting, we most certainly DO want to change them.

An Example from Natalie

Natalie lost an item in her wardrobe and spent a day searching, releasing the need to find it, then finding it.

As she sat with all that effort, she recalled her father near to his dying day telling her she was “too hard on herself”. At the time, she felt like that label was a “bad thing,” i.e. that she should not be.

During that search for a piece of clothing, N woke up to what self-talk she had been running. She had been worried that she had made some mistake, of discarding something she did want, and of being too disorganized. “Oh My,” thought N, “Am I too hard on myself? Did I just demonstrate that quality again?” If she was showing that unwanted attribute, then that habit of thought said she had a deep flaw.

Wait a Minute! Let’s Reframe

“I rise to put this story in perspective!” cried Natalie internally.

“So what if I had habit of self-blame in that stage of life! That was a coping mechanism of the situations in which I found myself.”

Our heroine continues, “I had parents who each turned to me for support as. they went through a messy divorce filled with blame for one another. Neither parent ever mentioned wanting to safeguard the feelings of me or my brothers.

Without realizing it each parent asked me to function at a level I could not possibly do elegantly at age 18. For me back then, I did not know how to care for myself lovingly and support parents.

I had been supporting them, stuffing my own feelings. I could not give them what they needed and did not meet my own needs either! Then I felt badly that I did not succeed.”

Accessing Anger

For a moment N tapped into anger at those parents and also that label. “Too hard on myself”

In the present moment feeling that rage felt satisfying. And our star then knew how to champion herself despite that categorization.

“So what if I still harbor some habits of thought that cast me in “lesser” light? I am well along with speaking to myself kindly and in this moment I claim more compassion for the young person who did her best under impossible circumstances. “

At that time no one had ever modeled caring for his or her own dear self. Up to then, no one she had ever met knew how to be supportive while caring for his or her own boundaries.

In present time Natalie flowed with loving understanding for that young woman of her past. N forgave herself and she released that denigrating label.

What a caring and brave person she had been and still is!

Have you uncovered outdated assumption about self and reevaluated them? Have you reclaimed your dignity and cast away past misperceptions? Please share your story—Help us see that we all can do this and how good it feels!

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March 19, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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More on Self Loving

We can learn to be more self-loving. For many of us it does require practice! The habits of self-shaming seem so deeply embedded in us.

We can do it! Allowing the change to progress bit by bit. We decide we will shift.

We are training ourselves to be more and more aware of how we feel. For Heaven’s sake it matters when we feel quite poorly! We start to recognize that some incident has triggered the shaming habit.

Woman with Dream, 10 x 10, with Texture, SOLD

Of great assistance is feeling good more and more of our days. More taking stock of the many instances (almost daily) of things going well for us; more appreciating and more feeling happy. In that way we can more easily perceive that we just fell into a shaming rut.

Isn’t it great to shift out of responses bit by bit!

Our reactions show us what is going on inside ourselves—point out that inner material we might call “unconscious.”

Yes we notice when our “think poorly of self” is running and then we witness that it is not our truth. Instead, we remember we are completely ok right now. The shine of our beings remains strong as we clear outdated mental hygiene.

Example of Progress in Self Loving

Eleanor went to look for a certain pale green spring skirt. This dear woman checked her main closet, the back up closet, the stored clothes in bins. This item of clothing appeared lost.

What was she saying in her head as her search progressed? Part way into this process this heroine started to notice her fear and the nature of the internal chatter.

“You misplace items! You don’t pay enough attention to your possessions. I guess you gave it away. Did you not stop to tune into what you still wanted? You were rash. You are sloppy!”

What an unkind self -tirade!

Eleanor sat calmly and observed what had been running under her radar for a time. Well for Heaven’s sake, E wanted to be kinder to herself regardless of the reason.

In this awakening, our star declared that it was ok if she no longer owned this skirt. Those statements about her were not constructive, not reflective of her self-worth or what she knew to be true.

E soothed, “I want to practice underscoring my value, listing aspects to appreciate. Not only is my life ok now. I am a Wondrous Being of Light!”

Meanwhile during the next chunk of hours, this protagonist found the skirt!

The Take Away: she progressed on the path of self-kindness by witnessing the old programming. Then she could (and did) shift. Clearly, E was loving herself more and more.

Do you have a story to share of how you made new choices and love yourself? Please share it!

About the Author

March 12, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Clearing our Perceptive Lens

We’re fine, really we are fine. Many of us take for granted that at any moment we have our best thinking at the ready.

Some of us might feel quite nervous and upset at times, even triggered into being quite afraid. In that eventuality we certainly are not assessing at our most astute. Here is what one woman noticed:

Beatie’s Story: Setting the Scene

Beatie started having computer troubles. Fortunately it was still working for the functions she wanted it to perform. Promptly via email this star contacted a tech friend. To him she explained that the machine’s battery was draining while plugged into the wall.

Together they brainstormed, checked obvious solutions, like were all the plugs sound, and did not come up with a corrective strategy.

As Beatie checked her battery level every hour for that day, she filled with trepidation. Her mind raced through possibilities and consequences: was she going to need a new computer? The worst was losing her rich, loaded programs and files stored on her device.

After the whole day addressing this situation, B chatted on the phone with a friend. B realized, “I felt scared, and then I ran a string of fear thinking. Wait a minute I am seeing through the lens of fear! I want to shift this now.”

Insight Comes

The next morning Beatie descended the stairs to deal with the computer. First of all, she opened and started using it right away. The battery level registered 10%.

However, B felt calm and remembered the Forces of Good accompanied her. From that space Beatie saw that the danger of losing her files was highly unlikely—and that trained technicians knew how to get to the important programs and files overriding the battery.

This heroine had scared herself with her own fear laced thoughts.

“Wow I want to notice how this works. I can save myself a lot of upset when I realize that I am too wound up to evaluate ‘worst scenarios’ I can make it seem much worse than it is.

I would rather turn to Faith and knowing the big picture of my safety is secured.”

Instead of plowing ahead in this mentality, we can distract ourselves with another loved pursuit (suduko, anyone? Taking a walk. Work on the boat out back…) Then swing back around when happy again and clear minded.

We marshal so much more personal power when we remember this!

Epilogue

Four days into the computer blip, Beatie had found out what fried her battery and knew her files were not threatened. At the repair shop, B learned that the third prong of the machine’s plug had broken off and when faulty, damaged the battery. A new battery was ordered for her. All was basically well.

Do you have a story to share that makes this point, too? Please comment! Questions, please ask.

About the Author

March 5, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Shift Perspective Toward Good

When we address building our self esteem, bit by bit we practice and see results.

Perhaps we let a former habit run, like thinking poorly of ourself, and then we can wake up to remembering our worth and feeling better. Don’t we love when that happens! Please read this such tale.

I. Reframe Story

Enid walked for exercise each day. Sometimes she walked in woods. Her philosophy for her fitness involved taking the path of least resistance to making it happen. Therefore, more often she walked on streets nearby.

One day E was striding along, listening to an audiobook, and all at once she was crashing to the ground on knees with one hand to soften her fall. She had not been paying close attention, had stumbled on a spot of uneven pavement. As she was landing, she felt so angry with herself for falling. “What an idiot!” E screamed in her head, “I have hurt myself again!!”

Some men were around her. On fellow working on street repair came over immediately and assisted her back to standing. Another gentleman stopped his car, got out of it, to inquire how she was. He offered to drive her to her home.

Our heroine wanted to show herself she was fine. Therefore, she declined the offer and continued on her walk, a bit slower. Soon she realized that blood was running down her legs and she admitted to herself that heading home was wise. Given the location, she would need to perambulate for 10-15 minutes anyway to reach her dwelling.

Enid stopped the bleeding, pulled together some first aid materials, and then proceeded to meet her friend as scheduled.

That friend assisted her to clean the wounds and applied bandages that can last till the next morning. E noticed she was in shock. During this rendezvous Enid received Jin Shin Jyutsu which rebalanced and soothed her.

II. Carries On

Enid proceeded with daily wound care and carried on. She continued her daily constitutionals and did her regular activities including a folk dancing class.

Inside she felt somewhat shaken and somehow incompetent. In her mind she thought, “A person should not fall. If they do something is wrong with them.” She is no longer trusting herself as much as she had.

III. The Appointment

At about two weeks post fall, this star visited her Naturopath. This man listened to her report and viewed her injury. To her surprise, Enid heard no reproach or criticism. Instead he commented, “ Wow isn’t it amazing that you did not break any bones! This was a set up to crack your kneecap or damage something else. Look at you! You get up and keep walking!

This speaks to what great shape you are in! Others your age, who have not followed health protocols so well, would likely suffer more consequences. Your yoga practice, your consistency with supplements, your mental hygiene all these paid off for you in this incident. Your body was tested and you passed with flying colors!”

Enid’s head spun. She realized that so much good flowing from this circumstance. For Heaven’s sake she was being praised for her excellent condition.

IV. Going Forward

This protagonist immediately soaked up the new perspective, notching up her self-esteem. Wow. This had been a giant test she passed.

E made the shift and then continued to feel better. This gal more easily realized signs of Good weaving through her days. She feels more empowerment and optimism now.

Isn’t it worth noticing how shifting our perspective can make such a huge difference! Do you have an account of how this has worked for you? Please comment!

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February 28, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Focus on Wanted NOW

We want to put our focus on what we want as much as we can. All of us want more evidence of Good in our lives! With experimentation and persistence, we are discovering the immediate pay off for paying attention to Good by appreciating what is already flowing around us.

Ceci Calls for Help

Ceci cries “I need your help. A string of “bad” things are happening for me and I don’t like it. I used to be so fortunate, What can I do?”

Ceci consults a wise friend, Frances.

Helper Frances Responds

Frances says, “You have heard the basics in other conversations with me. Let’s review them. You know that if lots of unwanted things are coming your way it indicates that you are often thinking about unwanted things. You are attracting the energy of what you put out. “

C: How do I turn this around?

F: You want to notice more and more what thoughts are running in your head. You want to notice your own mood. If you are feeling angry, troubled, upset, vengeful, all those states bring to your more of what you don’t want.

I know in your past you have had lots of things happen that were unfair, hurtful, troubling. You also know that to change your NOW, you have to look for what you can appreciate and do that NOW, and Now and NOW.

Just this morning you have shared that a possible new and improved living arrangement has shown up for you. Isn’t that wonderful!

C: Yes and on the business front, I am just about to close a deal on use of a studio space that I need for several jobs that I have lined up. This transaction will be advantageous to me.

F: Isn’t it great! You are noticing and emphasizing that.

C: The people where I currently live have been actively hostile. I do not feel safe there.

F: For this to work, I recommend you keep your focus on what is going well. You have a habit to complain about various unwanted people and situations. Refocus right now on more of what is fortunate. Isn’t it wonderful that you had someone like me to call—that I took your call with no appointment.

C: Yes I have access now to a ski resort and slopes. Someone is paying for my pass. Normally the privileges I am enjoying cost $119!

I called my father and he was no help as usual. I had a car accident and my neck got disturbed after it was in good shape.

F: Stop right there, Ceci. Pause and notice the effect of the complaint about your Dad and accident. Isn’t it great that you are able to ski and have such a great place to do it today!

C: The sponsor for this ski access is trading with me for my photography services. This piece of the barter represents a really cool treat. Would you like to come use a hot tub up here?

F: Sweet offer—no thank you right now. What else has gone well recently?

Momentum Builds

C: My body is coming along and feeling much better. My neck and back are remarkably improved. I now will have an affordable space for doing the portrait work for which I have clients contacting me. Portrait work is flowing and I satisfy many with pleasing results. My website is overflowing with examples!

F: You are doing some good practicing here. I think you now recall how it is done—how to appreciate and how to turn around what flows to you.

Shift Underway

C: I can feel a shift in me already. Thank you so much!

F; You can easily keep this up! You are on a roll!

They disconnected and each returned to the tasks of the day.

About an hour later, Ceci texted F to report she felt so much better, is filled with vitality and optimism! Ceci thanks Frances again. We all know we each can do this for ourselves. It is all about on what we focus.

Do you want to share an example from your life of how you shifted your focus and got results? Please comment!

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February 21, 2024
by Janet Pearlman
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Self-Blame Releasing

2 13 24

So many of us have experienced self blame. Most people have habit of thought to wield blame in some way—We make someone or something “wrong” about something. For some the frequent target is one’s own dear self.

As we raise our vibration toward more Good, we can release the habit of making ourselves wrong.

Lorraine Notices

Lorraine left a friend a phone message that she would offer the help that friend needed. The friend responded with “thank you” Unfortunately, Lorraine did not get the word that her offer was accepted—so the chance to be of help that day was missed.

These days Lorraine goes down that self-blame pattern of thought much less frequently than earlier in her life. Ove this L discovered her mood did dip. Oh my the heroine noticed that a string of excuses ran in her head.

Waking up to Habit of Thought

Next L observed herself coming up with thoughts that were finding fault with her friend. “Wait a minute!” our star told herself. “I don’t want to be going down this road.”

Oh my, this protagonist was blaming her friend for L’s missing the call, deflecting her self blame for not making this favor happen to blame her friend instead.

“Whoa!” thought Lorraine, “I want to soften and make it all ok.”

Instead of all this, Lorraine wanted to accept what happened. All is ok. “

The friend sent an email that glowed with acceptance. That woman showed graciousness and flowed with kind acceptance. No big deal that the favor did not happen.

At one time inside L prided herself on doing favors for others- if she did good, L knew herself to be Good. If she did not do favors L might be less than “good” to herself and others.

The Shift

Now our star is building self compassion even more strongly. The heroine wanted to sing out to the world—“Hey! We are all good anyway! We are composed of Goodness and We beam it out more when we focus on GOOD”

Is it a joy to follow through on doing a favor for a friend? Yes it is. And our self-image and knowing of Good allows us to flow with life and accept some pot holes on the way.

Is it valuable to notice what we are thinking as we breathe in and out? Yes it is! We have so much power to wield to shape our lives!

Do you have stories of forgiving yourself? Are you making progress on shifting that habit? Please report in and inspire us all!

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