We do like to please those around us, of course we all enjoy feeling harmonious with others. Some of us are habituated to do what it takes to promote this “all getting along.” On occasion two of the surrounding “family” may root on two different sides of an issue. Does the pressure on ourselves, the price of keeping the peace, really serve anyone? This post says, “No, it does not.”
Molly had an invitation to a family meal from her sibling. This person had suffered a recent trauma and M was putting focus into supporting her as best she could. Meanwhile, Molly’s husband did not want her to attend the dinner. He thought that exposure to all these people would endanger Molly’s health.
Molly felt pressured, torn in two directions. Reviewing her dilemma did not help—she became more agitated and upset. We wanted to please them.
Our star did get the insight to contact a wise friend who would offer her kindness and clarity, who would carry the perspective of the Forces of Good. M reached out.
The friend responded, “Wow pleasing both sides here may not be possible. Let’s discuss getting you some relief from this pressure. How can you feel better?
I recommend finding your own clarity and balance once again.
First of all, we can remind ourselves that you have been spending lots of extra time with this dear sister. You already have proven yourself to be a valuable ally. She knows your love.
Your husband feels protective of you and wants to keep you safe. He gets frightened at the thought of you being made ill or suffering. His fear makes him become loud and insistent.
We can understand both sides and we can see your choice as less consequential. Both will continue to love you whatever choice you make for these few hours of one day.
Try out this to the sister: My husband really wants me to stay home this time. You can understand why I am inclined to follow his wishes this time. There are so many others to enjoy the day with you on this occasion. Honestly, I will enjoy the time of less activity and more rest.
Try out this to the husband: Honey, I want to at least make an appearance at this special holiday group. It is being held outside and I will wear a mask. You know I am very healthy and strong. And you know you will be fine whatever I do. I feel committed to supporting my sister and want to do this.
The friend engaged with Molly for a good while. As she listened, Molly found herself letting go, crying with relief. Wow she started to know that which choice was not so critically important.
Yes, our heroine realized recovering her composure was very important to her. She had gotten upset and distorted her perception about this decision. She wanted to follow her Own Inner Guidance and value Her Own Well Being.
A few days later, Molly contacted her friend to thank her again for her soothing words. It had been just what she needed and she sailed through her holiday.
We can pay more attention to when the tension is building inside us. Oh yes this is fear and we want to go within to find our own soothing an clarity. We can tune into what our Inner Voice is whispering; in what way we need to care for ourselves. What soothing comes to us then?
Have an example from your life? One where we felt pressure to please others and got relief to honor ourselves? Please comment and share it with us! We uplift one another as we care for ourselves!