We are all under so much stress these days. Isn’t it easy to find ourselves frustrated with the behavior of others? “They should not behave that way,” so easily pops into our minds and perhaps out of our mouths. Let’s train ourselves to offer the benefit of the doubt to ourselves and others.
So many of us were judged a lot in our lives—as children and then continuing to our schools and jobs. In fact, we might have noticed that we hear the judging voices in our heads about ourselves. Aha! That might just explain why we formulate negative thinking about another. We see outside ourselves what we are
experiencing inside. Oh my!Let’s notice this and shift. Let’s catch this habit and try out something else. What if we saw the innocent person doing the best he or she can? What if we gave the benefit of the doubt?
Please try it. Right away we will observe that we feel better doing that. Especially note how this feels when applied to our own dear self.
Seeing Innocence, the Goodness. Seeing as Inner Being sees.
One Woman’s Offering a Kind View
Picture this scene: two sisters with grown children, Althea and Harper. Althea has a lake house. She invites Harper, our star for this account.
Harper wants to include her children. Well Althea informs her that her son who has had a drug problem cannot come this time. Althea’s young grandchildren will attend, and she fears the influence of the nephew with substance abuse issues.
Harper feels hurt, jumps to the defense of her son and pushes back.
The phone call does not go well after that. Harper feels hurt and judged about her son, then Althea feels hurt and judged because her sister does not want this kind of invitation.
Let’s look at what H does to recover
Our heroine Harper realized she was feeling out of balance. She wanted some calm and soothing, she wanted harmony with her sister and she wanted to feel relaxed about her son.
Inside herself, this dear woman recognized that her defense of her son was a reaction: In that moment she felt hurt at her sister judging her son.
It was kind of her sister to invite her family to come to the lake. H was sensitive to any rejection of her son and his past behavior. Ok easy to understand why H would feel reactive.
What about Althea’s point of view? “Oh,” realized H, “Althea feels protective of her grandchildren and wants to honor wishes of her son, father of these grandchildren. That father is afraid of drug abuse and as a result afraid of Harper’s son’s influence. I can walk a bit in those shoes. I can understand that reaction.”
Harper shifted her thoughts about her sister to more supportive and compassionate ones. She forgave herself for her reaction too. Then our star, H, felt better!
Then for that moment H let it go and went on with other things in life.
A few days later, feeling more balanced, Harper was ready to take action. H crafted a note of apology to her sister. By expressing her love our heroine felt much relief.
Changing our own thought helps US feel better. Harper did not look to Althea to apologize or take action, Harper used her own personal power to shift from a judging and hostile posture to an accepting one. We can all do that.
Do you have examples of good things flowing from seeing the best in yourself or another? I would love to hear them. Please comment.
About the Author
Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. She has a gift for inspiring others to know themselves compassionately and to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-three-year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at email@example.com to arrange an appointment.