Stream Blog - Page 5 of 62 - Janet PearlmanJanet Pearlman | Living in the Stream of Yes

August 1, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Refocus on the Good

During these times on the planet, we are going to see lots of changes; some may frighten us. Each of us can learn to be more self-supporting and to become more resilient as the fear rises up inside us. Gosh, those thoughts we create when afraid sure do sound true sometimes, eh? What are some tools for mastering these situations?

It is an Inside Job

Lacey lived in a rental home adjacent to an empty lot. The landlord owned both. One day her landlord informed Lacey that the adjacent lot was sold with development to proceed shortly. Our heroine continued to listen as the landlord continued though her being was filling with adrenaline. She wanted to remain controlled though she was feeling panicked.

L went into her home and phoned a dear friend, reaching for support. She said, “I need a few minutes of hand holding. Are you able to offer that now?”

“Yes,” replied her comrade.

This star told the facts and as she felt her friend’s compassion, her own mind started to offer her soothing.

Self Comforting Arises

Victor Frankl reported on his experience in the concentration camps. In one scenario, Frankl wrote that he glanced up from an outdoor work site and viewed a breath-taking sunrise. The other prisoners nearby quietly communicated to take that moment to look to the sky. Together they enjoyed that, a rare blessing for them.

Also in that piece Frankl recounted how much he dwelled on how deeply he loved his wife and how grateful for her he was. At the time in prison, this man did not know her fate, yet he persisted in filling himself that that deep affection and the gift she was for his life.

Recently one of Lacey’s respected leaders recommended everyone consider doing a parasite cleanse. L felt reluctant to do that, bided her time considering that option. Soon after, the leader sent out a recorded track on parasites. Lacey avoided that too, associating it with a fear laden subject matter.

When she shifted inside a bit, this dear woman decided to listen to that cut. In a more balanced state, L found the content no a big deal. As she spoke with her friend, our protagonist realized she had frightened herself with what she imagined about both the recording and the pending development. What was actually there was not frightening when faced. Oh.

“Good to Notice—I scared myself,” L blurted out.

“I want to watch what I make up about this sold land.”

Earlier in her life, Lacey had a painful break up of a long-time romance. What a tragedy it seemed in those months of the parting process!
- Now looking back twenty years hence, so many blessings came after that event. So much good came from this “tragedy”.
- What if the new neighbors from the developed land become wonderful friends?
- What other benefits can L experience from what seems unwanted now?

Our star decided to remain calm and look for the good to unfold.

Summary

We can practice observing what we think. When we are frightened, we can pause.

Why not use a time-out to find some balance, get support, work in the garden or chill. Then what else could we think?

This phone call helped Lacey find some relief. True, the unknown future did not feel entirely comfortable. But she had found her patience, her perspective and her power.

Do you have an incident of calming yourself down that you would like to share? Please do offer it in the Comments section.

July 25, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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More Acceptance Than We Might Think

Sometimes, others are displeased with us. Of course, we prefer those surrounding us, e.g. our parents or our bosses, to at least LIKE what we do (if not PRAISE us!). When we hear unhappy tones addressing us, we might feel the impulse to order “Shields up!” inside ourselves, and instead go toward some balance and openness.

And what a gift! A pay off from doing personal growth is that we do have access to new attitudes in times of stress, more neutral and clear insight. We enjoy more stamina in staying in a loving heart.

The Story

Sandy had a good friend, Nancy, who cooked and gardened for a local woman. This employer wanted more and more tasks done; Nancy determined she needed assistance with the gardening. The owner agreed.

Nancy told Sandy about the opportunity to work four hours a week; Sandy accepted.

On her second shift, Sandy took on the assignment to trim the irises. Our protagonist learned that irises like to have their leaves cut back after blooming. S received a few instructions and dove into the task.

Seventy-five minutes later, the owner views Sandy’s trimmed irises and was not at all satisfied. “Those irises look awful; they are messy.”

Soon Nancy finds Sandy to offer more detailed instructions and steer the job more to the owner’s specifications. N says, “Let’s change to scissors, shape the tops of the irises in a fan shape, take more time with each section. We want these trimmed irises to blend into this beautiful garden.”

Oh my. Sandy wants to stay balanced in the face of all this feedback. In her past our heroine would have taken these words personally—she had displeased the bosses.

In her inner development S had learned how to soothe herself under criticism. For heaven’s sake she had awakened this morning knowing nothing about cutting back this type of plant. Further, this dear woman’s strong suit was not producing “neat” clipping of any kind. S resonated with actions to encourage plant recovery and next year’s blooming.

As Sandy was receiving the “course correction,” she focused to regain open-heartedness and to keep a sense of humor. (Aside: in her head, S joked “They put on her tombstone: She could not trim irises to magazine standards.”) Finishing her shift making improvements, she left exhausted and not clear about the repercussions of her performance.

Next day Nancy and Sandy met as friends. Nancy asked, “Want to talk about yesterday?” Sandy said, “I feel bad that you are in an awkward position with doing the cooking tasks and supervising me in the garden.”

Nancy responded, “I felt bad about how tired and sad you looked as you clocked out. I told the owner that this was on me—this was not your fault. I did not get out there to supervise sooner and in more specificity. The owner accepted that.”

Sandy felt a wave of relief and then wonder. Wow her friend has viewed her predicament and did not fault her at all. There was more Love here pouring down on Sandy than S had let in. Good to recognize this now. Going forward, S can raise her head higher and believe in the kindness surrounding her. Our star can know her loving mood matters and others share that attitude too.

Does reading this inspire a story in you? We would love to read it in the comments section. We enjoy being inspired.

July 11, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Claiming Self Love

We each have some quality that others may consider a “flaw.” In those moments of showing it, others may judge it and see us as lesser. Then what do we do? Some personality styles may feel ashamed, guilty and unworthy. (Others might attack to go on offensive to defend self.) In order to feel better, we will shift our thinking and with it relieve those awful feelings we associate with the trait.

Example Needed

Wendy had practiced shifting her thinking for years. Yes she had known growth and recovery from many habits of thought, had forgiven many friends, family members, and herself. This star had gained courage to reach beyond limits in her performance that surprised and delighted her.

Wendy was a teacher and felt so embarrassed by a certain “thing she did.” Yes, she was loquacious—she got excited about a subject and had much to share on it. At times the effort to pay attention strained the listeners. Student evaluations occasionally mentioned this as did a comment or two by her supervisor.

Help to Reframe

Wendy brought up a recent incident with her trusted friend who helped her change her perspective where she felt so uncomfortable.

Here is some of the exchange:

Friend: “Wouldn’t it be great if we had a loyal and loving figure inside ourselves who adores us even when someone reacts to the length of our responses!”

To start let’s call talking at length – a feature—rather than a flaw.

It might be fun to list all the wonderful qualities. ‘I take much care and patience with attending to my students. I plan engaging class experiments, offer special teaching to ones who request it, offer feedback on student assignments with appreciations and encouragements. Many laugh at my jokes. They mention what they gained from the class. Some mention the kindness of the class environment.

Isn’t it helpful to notice the balance to my talkative feature.

Overall this dear woman received many more good evaluations than those finding fault. Let’s breathe that in.

When we feel ashamed and guilty, we feel so awful—let’s flood that space with acceptance. Let’s go rescue that hurt part of ourselves and soothe it.

Wendy: “I want to feel better. I do feel some soothing. Gosh I love recalling how I prevailed in a recent promotion process. My review committee looked at all my submissions, evaluations, scores, records and interviewed me multiple times. I got the upgrade after a many month procees! They found meritorious service and wanted more from me!”

Mindsets of Those Criticizing

Friend: “Yea, not only that! Let’s think about those offering negative feedback.

Maybe that student: always disliked his mother, had a headache at the time, is breaking up a romance, had a car accident on the way to class. Do we want to allow a grumpy person to stab us to the core of our self worth? Now that sounds so silly.”

Most key, let’s recall that when we feel shamed like that it is NOT the true value of our dear beings or our character. We can stop beating up ourselves for something like that. We are beloved shining with all our features. ”

Resolution

In this conversation, Wendy was able to change her feelings. In the past our heroine felt deep unworthiness about being “long winded.” This time she could see what ha been her responses with more compassion. She admitted she felt a lot better.

Do you have a story of how you turned around a strong reaction and grew? Please share it in the comments section.

July 3, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Feel Good and Trust Wanted to Show Up

We want things all the time. What if we stay more relaxed about what we want coming to us easily? Can we remain calm, follow one step in front of the other and get results?

What if we discard “working very hard” for more trust and ease?

Presenting Issue

Deidre wants to approach life with optimism and a smile on her face. Her circumstances changed and she found herself in need of a lawn mowing service.

It occurred to her that some services would require a much larger maintenance expenditure than what she had budgeted based on previous years. Oh yes, she noticed she could dwell on this apprehension but reached instead for a positive expectancy.

During a chat with a neighbor, she learned that this man’s nephew had a mowing business and could possibly take her as a client. D thought, “Wouldn’t that be satisfying and easy?” She understood her neighbor would get in touch and get back to her.

Well this waiting lasted longer than predicted, about two weeks. The man across the street did swing back around with the update that no that nephew could not fit her into his schedule this summer. D mused, “Oh okay.”

In the past Deidre had found local assistance by looking for postings of business cards or signs at local establishments. So, she went around to two or three places: the cafes, the hardware store.

“Well look at that”, said D to herself, “There was a sign on the window for an enterprising person who was looking for lawn care jobs.”

Others in Deidre’s sphere recommended looking on Next door for those advertising and on Facebook. D liked those ideas less—she wanted to feel some connection to the business she hired. Inside she kept feeling like all would be ok.

Once she found the flyer posted, she contacted the person. Yes within hours he could come over to assess the job and offer his price.

Resolution

The young man came by, looked over the yard, and gave a price. The price included the mowing and trimming.

Phew! Deidre found the price fair and accepted it immediately.

She had stayed in trust and what she needed came easily to her. Do you have stories from your life where what you needed flowed easily to you? Please share them! In such times where so much tension surrounds us, good to read about ways life remains easy!

June 27, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Support In the Flow

We can keep ourselves focused on what is going well for us. When we do, we can experience an increase in what goes well! Worth the focus! And What fun!

The Rendezvous

One day Jolene ran into a person she knew named Katrina. These two had met in a group meeting to view Abraham seminars. Both followed guidance of reaching for thoughts that feel better.

With animation Katrina reported that she just came from a heated exchange with her employer and she quit her job. Tension had been building over the recent months, and she’d been thinking about leaving.

Now standing in the doorway, she was on a roll, energy flowing. Telling the story including appreciating. Kat said,

“Oh I’m’ so glad to run into you.

It’s wonderful to talk with you right now. Wow you even have time to pause and sit together for a few minutes.

I called my partner. He was so supportive– it was great. He remains strongly with me even though I will have interrupted income. I appreciate how he was right there for me.

He looks for the Good, too. How cool is that! Such a delight to share life with him now!”

Processing

Jolene and Kat reviewed how easily K can find another position if and when she wants one. As a nurse her profession and skills are in demand. How fortunate will that next employer be to have her on that team!

Jolene shared this story:

“In June of one year, I was transferred to another unit, abruptly. Two days notice was provided. The current bosses did not like me, true. Still I found this move shocking.

In the new unit I was not given an assignment immediately– it felt like just hanging there for a period of weeks. Then I was assigned to revitalize a policy area, new to me, with many challenges. From this beginning came the most satisfying and successful work of my career. The undignified, unexpected start led to the best opportunity ever! On that first day I did not feel that great and good stuff was not yet visible– at all. Who knows what can happen from what is transpiring today?”

Katrina wanted to uplift her thought that she had done something “wrong”. As the two exchanged K calmed and began to regain her balance. Kat noticed that she ran into J when she such a conversation was so beneficial. Isn’t this cool! She could see she was actually completely fine.

Extra Goodie

Several minutes later as this duo was readying to part, an older less able-bodied woman approached requesting if she could use the seats we occupied. Apparently, the arrangement of the furniture in this spot was special to her in that it provided support for her to get herself to sitting and rise again.

Jolene and Katrina were glad to assist her. The woman chatted with them and within a few sentences, the woman had provided a good lead for a possible job for Katrina. Wow K was already attracting next steps for her next job! Presto!

We can enjoy our lives optimistically watching for more Good to flow!

Do you have stories that illustrate this point? Please share one at jpearl@streamofyes.com. Inspiration, joy! YAY!

June 21, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Self-Judgment Part of Growth

We want to develop more and more inner strength. Yes, we look forward to more clarity, self-respect and self-support along with greater compassion for others.

Some may feel reluctant to delve into thought patterns that feel very uncomfortable—even upsetting. Oh My! For those of us raised in these times those thoughts can sound like a truth about ourselves

But no! Becoming aware of these feelings of shame and self-judgment, so common in our culture, comprise an important aspect of the path to more growth.

Proceeding with guidance from others more experienced, we change the deep habit of a lesser view of self to one with much more kindness and health.

Maisie’s Experience

Maisie woke up in the night, feeling upset. She thought “Oh I have had a bad dream.” Soon, our star realized she could not return to sleep because she had morphed into reviewing a topic about her life about which she felt awful.

To start, what did she do to comfort herself?

As a first step she got up to go check her email and bring her attention to present time.

This worked for immediate soothing and in about an hour she was able to return to bed and fell asleep.

What of this disturbance? Next morning as she pondered her circumstance, she recognized how the depth of this discomfort was shame and self-judgment.

We can benefit from noticing this pattern within us.

View from Soul Without Shame

Byron Brown, in his work Soul Without Shame explains how we can use this constructively.

“If you choose to pursue inner work, the search for understanding who you are, what your life means and what reality is—you are by necessity setting yourself directly in conflict with your (editor: inner) judge. To explore what you believe, what you experience, why you act and feel the way you do is to question the authority of the judge.”[1]

In other words, by looking into the discomfort we begin to shake up the basis on which the self-judgment operates.

We “use it in the work” or find “Grist for the mill” as we keep going and growing.

Maisie’s Unfolding

Here are some reframing points for Maisie.

She will feel strong emotion as part of life and she is safe will it flows through. Even with that incident described, the charge, the fear involved, was dissipated as she let herself feel it.
Wow all she has to do is allow it and keep going.
This heroine realizes that her inner environment of shame and fear in those distressing moments is NOT at all speaking “the truth” about her.
Instead, she has experienced False Evidence Appearing Real.
She can flow with compassion for herself as she lets herself be human. Everyone has felt this discomfort. Maisie is whole now on this journey of waking up..

This process constitutes a means of becoming clearer. We notice our thoughts, bit by bit, as we can. Accept ourselves the way we are today: a dear human becoming more vital and alive.

Do you have a story from your growth of a liberating moment? Please share!

1 Brown, Byron, Soul Without Shame, Guide to liberating yourself from the judge within, (Boston, MA; Shambala Publications, Inc, 1999) 81

June 13, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Relief in Self Care

We do like to please those around us, of course we all enjoy feeling harmonious with others. Some of us are habituated to do what it takes to promote this “all getting along.” On occasion two of the surrounding “family” may root on two different sides of an issue. Does the pressure on ourselves, the price of keeping the peace, really serve anyone? This post says, “No, it does not.”

Background

Molly had an invitation to a family meal from her sibling. This person had suffered a recent trauma and M was putting focus into supporting her as best she could. Meanwhile, Molly’s husband did not want her to attend the dinner. He thought that exposure to all these people would endanger Molly’s health.

Feeling Pressured

Molly felt pressured, torn in two directions. Reviewing her dilemma did not help—she became more agitated and upset. We wanted to please them.

Our star did get the insight to contact a wise friend who would offer her kindness and clarity, who would carry the perspective of the Forces of Good. M reached out.

The Guidance

The friend responded, “Wow pleasing both sides here may not be possible. Let’s discuss getting you some relief from this pressure. How can you feel better?

I recommend finding your own clarity and balance once again.

First of all, we can remind ourselves that you have been spending lots of extra time with this dear sister. You already have proven yourself to be a valuable ally. She knows your love.

Your husband feels protective of you and wants to keep you safe. He gets frightened at the thought of you being made ill or suffering. His fear makes him become loud and insistent.

We can understand both sides and we can see your choice as less consequential. Both will continue to love you whatever choice you make for these few hours of one day.

Try out this to the sister: My husband really wants me to stay home this time. You can understand why I am inclined to follow his wishes this time. There are so many others to enjoy the day with you on this occasion. Honestly, I will enjoy the time of less activity and more rest.

Try out this to the husband: Honey, I want to at least make an appearance at this special holiday group. It is being held outside and I will wear a mask. You know I am very healthy and strong. And you know you will be fine whatever I do. I feel committed to supporting my sister and want to do this.

The Resolution

The friend engaged with Molly for a good while. As she listened, Molly found herself letting go, crying with relief. Wow she started to know that which choice was not so critically important.

Yes, our heroine realized recovering her composure was very important to her. She had gotten upset and distorted her perception about this decision. She wanted to follow her Own Inner Guidance and value Her Own Well Being.

A few days later, Molly contacted her friend to thank her again for her soothing words. It had been just what she needed and she sailed through her holiday.

Take Away

We can pay more attention to when the tension is building inside us. Oh yes this is fear and we want to go within to find our own soothing an clarity. We can tune into what our Inner Voice is whispering; in what way we need to care for ourselves. What soothing comes to us then?

Have an example from your life? One where we felt pressure to please others and got relief to honor ourselves? Please comment and share it with us! We uplift one another as we care for ourselves!

June 6, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Recovery On Purpose

6 2 23

We do want to feel as good as we can in each moment. We notice a dip in our mood. How do we respond? Let’s review through Clarissa’s story.

The Beginning

Clarissa’s spirits plummeted. Yes, she got bummed out when she did not receive a response to a note she sent a man on the dating site. Yes some other discouraging moments happened. (Aside: Reviewing how poorly we feel will bring to us more of feeling poorly.)

Quite regularly, this woman had been practicing uplifting herself. She said inside herself, “When I feel low, I know that view is not the whole picture. It’s not ‘All That I Am.’ Source Energy views me as shining, happy and successful.”

A bit more time passed, then she felt some brightness, “I am completely fine as I feel discouraged. Gosh I certainly have cycled through these moods before. Good continues to flow from me and to me. The sun still shines behind clouds and storms. “

The lift increased; her mood brightened some. C starting recalling some of the many good things that she had experienced. So many! In fact, she took the time to list some, writing them out brought them to her consciousness again. She smiled.

Gaining Momentum

The uplift process was gaining momentum: now our star felt a good chunk happier. C followed her impulse to check on her new plantings, A joy to behold! This woman viewed some nature photographs on Facebook and felt delight—that felt better!

The next day after a good night’s sleep Clarissa felt much better and appreciated how wonderful was that first thing in the morning reboot! Hee Haw!

Going to email, she exclaimed, “Look at this. I got an offer for bodywork exchange; I got a response from an internet dating email showing interest in a meet. Cool!.”

This protagonist looked for good in the world on a day that she felt somewhat low. That first day she continued to reach for more satisfaction, as she was able, bit by bit.

Next day Clarissa attracted some fun things showing up, she got some of what she wanted, mood lifting, and validation.

That morning this woman felt more of her own beauty. Gazing in the mirror she perceived a nice-looking female! She said to herself, “I have been practicing seeing my beauty and the focus is paying off. I love looking for beauty, I love looking for what I enjoy and I love finding it in my own image!”

Take Away for Readers:

Keep track of how you are feeling.

Accept when a dip shows up.

Persist in reaching for thoughts that feel better.

Know that Good surrounds you and does show up!

Appreciating what you see.

Expect you will find it more and more often and with greater ease.

Celebrate and shout out that you did this on purpose! Juicy!

You are shaping your perception and changing your life. Stand up and take a bow!

What from your life resonates with this post? Please share your successes!

May 30, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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Shifting the Atmosphere

We can feel so helpless in this world. So many things flowing by, so much activity. Yes, some people we have heard about are praying for protection, healing or grace. Can that actually change anything?

We know that we can get results. Let’s read this illustration.

Background

Flowers II, 24 x 30, acrylic on canvas, $595

Loretta and her husband own rental property. Over the last half year they have had difficulty with the tenants both paying the rent and with damage to the property. As this story begins, L has hired an attorney and taken legal action to evict these renters. Repeatedly the actions had not yet resulted in getting those people out of there!

Our star was beyond frustrated. And this was one of the complaints she shared upon coming to a wise practitioner, Erma, for some relaxing bodywork.

“We are running out of options. We have been trying to protect our property and our financial status while acting within the law,” she declared.

Suggestion

Erma focused on how to be a soothing force for Loretta. Certainly E’s primary focus was collecting the information she needed to focus her session for maximum benefit to L’s well being.

Before she began the hands on portion of the session, E asked Loretta. “If you would like, I can make a suggestion for you regarding your problem with the tenants. You may find it pretty far out. It won’t cost anything 😊.”

L responded, “Sure. Tell me what it is.”

Erma said, “In quiet time, I recommend that you appreciate these tenants, running lists of these good qualities in your mind. You might even write them down. Do this as often as you can, perhaps daily would flow for you.”

Then Erma went on to spend the healing hour with Loretta.

Interval and Return

About six weeks transpired before Loretta came for another session.

Loretta shared how things had been going for her and where she wanted the focus to be for this time.

Before she climbed onto the table, Loretta piped up, “Oh by the way, remember the issue with the tenants? I followed your recommendation, appreciating them, and it worked! They moved out: no drama, they just went. I am so grateful for your wisdom.”

Erma smiled.

We can create an atmosphere of Good and that promotes Good. Fun to notice, eh!

Do you have stories from your own life where you appreciated and good things flowed? Please tell us in the Comments section!

May 23, 2023
by Janet Pearlman
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From Resentful to Empowered

In this dear culture in which we live, we might find ourselves feeling resentment toward another. That person may have hurt us in the past and often we want something from that other that he or she is not easily offering. Here is one account of how we might shift our thoughts and feelings to find more contentment with this person.

The Habit

Dana experienced being first born among her siblings and recalled in childhood how the younger sister, Brae, middle of three children, quested for her mother’s attention whenever she could.

For childhood years and beyond Dana had filled a role as dutiful big sister and protector, helping to manage those younger family members. Sister Brae had sought out D to report her tales of woe and to request her to handle various family tasks. In the course of her own healing our heroine followed a path of becoming more confident and powerful, clearing old hurts, standing with self-respect and more.

In adulthood now Dana focuses primarily on her own life, stepped up when asked, sent appropriate gifts on the holidays. She did not seek out contact beyond that.

Dana Addresses the Hurt

In her heart this star wanted to be seen and known as who she had become, the person who she had crafted herself and flowered into being.

The Incident

A few days before D’s birthday, sibling Brae, invited her to a family zoom call. AT first D groaned inside as she “graciously” accepted the offer. Our birthday woman would enjoy a brief check in with all of Brae’s children. Ideally what Dana wanted was getting lots of attention and showered with affection. D knew that the call was unlikely to offer that.

As the appointed time for the call approached, Dana got inspired to face what was going on with her. “Wait a minute, I feel tight with resentment just under the surface. Is that paving the way for a fun family call?” D thought.

“Heck, no!” cried our protagonist. “Let me see what is going on here.”

Dana sat quietly and asked herself what she wanted to remember right now.

“Hmm I notice how I want praise and affection. Like the kind I would want from a parent figure. I see Brae wants that too. Neither of us can satisfy the other. We both want to be filled with Self Love, and each of us can only get satisfied by tuning into the Good Around Us, Source Energy.

“Why not focus on beaming love out to the others on the call. Enjoy them and I am enjoying myself! That is all I have to do.”

D breathed. Pause.

“Why not put out the love I want to increase in this world! “

Resolution

During the zoom call, the dear woman Dana did her best with her new orientation. She smiled a lot, beamed and then rested, making the call ok. She did feel better on the call than on communications in the past. This change required practice and bit by bit she embraced her new direction with Brae. Dana liked feeling more powerful over feeling resentment. 😊

Do you want to ask a question? Share a story that resonates with this message of empowerment? Please comment. Does it feel great to take charge of ourselves?? !!!