Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Observing Fear in Romance


Gosh we load so many emotions into a male/female “romantic” interaction. With sharpened awareness we can learn about ourselves and our fears, we notice how trepidations cloud our perceptive lens.

Deana is learning more about herself, growing more cognizant of when she operates from balanced place and when she runs some emotional reaction. D wants to feel good 😊 wihle she creates a healthy growing relationship with a man.

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The Example

Carl and Deana have plans for 12:30 pm to meet at the art exhibit. Then go for lunch. Two hours before the appointed time, Carl texts Deana to report his car is broken and he is not coming.

This would have been the fourth date between Carl and Deana. On the morning of the second date, he had cancelled the lunch date. Out of four dates this has happened twice.

After the change in plans, Deana carries on, accomplishing some satisfying tasks. This dear woman loved the beautiful day putting leaves in bags to store for compost.

As D ponders this scene, she feels a bit uncomfortable with today and the pattern of cancellation. Thoughts pop up: “Is she being messed with? Is she getting involved with someone who is frivolous and not a match for her level of integrity?”

Next morning Carl texts that felt awful cancelling like that. And he knows he has done that before.

Deana tells him she did notice this was the second time. Last time she had been pleased how promptly he rescheduled and then followed through.

Meanwhile this heroine becomes aware that her mind has turned negative and suspicious. Ah yes D knows she is thinking that way out of  what appears to be protecting herself.

In her new way of thinking—is that actually helping anything? She decides, “No it is not. Why don’t I perceive this as a car blip.”

Shifting Deana focuses on keeping her own good mood. Star of this story prefers staying in the present moment over feels better than running thoughts of suspicion. Is she fine just as thing are? Yes, she is. In fact, she has much to appreciate regardless of this date or not.

The Next Event

Later that day Carl telephones her to make amends. He asks her for another chance to set up a meeting. Deana has maintained her own good mood and finds it easy to agree. The two arrange a rendezvous for the next Saturday.

Deana can more clearly discern what’s happening by maintaining her own balance.

We can invent threatening tigers with our thoughts. And we can marshal our personal power. If we are running fear or anger, we can shift our own thinking to remain calm abd happier. Where was that tiger anyway?

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