Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Lift the Fear of Our Inadequacy


We start to become more aware of our own behavior. Some of us might become afraid of our own qualities—will we turn people off in an unskilled attempt to be helpful? Oh my we want to be well received.

One Woman’s Reach for Help

Path and Woods, 16 x 20, $295

Candice became upset as she attended a team meeting where two employees quarreled. Tuning inside she realized this reminded her of her parent’s arguments, frightening her. She felt unsafe in the present.

Candice reached out to an advisor. How could she provide more effective input under these circumstances? How could she uplift her own fear?

Wise Counsel

Evelyn gladly responded to Candice’s call for assistance. Highlights of the conversation follow:

E: You want badly to be of service in this scenario, and you are afraid that you don’t know how.  You recognize your fear but feel subject to it.

Regarding the team meeting quarreling, let’s tell your dear inner child, what happened is not a threat to you. What occurred last week is not your parents fighting. One respected therapist says, “This is not that.”

C: Oh my! pause…I love that! (blurts with enthusiasm). I feel more ease already.

E: You would prefer to act effectively in the role of helping figure. But what if you don’t know what to do to mediate in a disagreement between two colleagues? Let’s make it okay not to fix it. As you feel stronger in yourself, it will be easier to see that their aroused anger need not affect you. They can be trusted to handle their own situation. And isn’t it great to notice this is not a threat to you.

C: Oh I see. Once I handle my own inner reaction, there is no problem I need to solve.

E: Another thread here. You want to demonstrate yourself as valuable to the team.

What if you knew you were valuable to the team whether you intervened with this “discussion” or not.

Let me tell you a story about keeping sacred space.

In Vermont in the late 1990’s a Dances of Universal Peace workshop leader made an arrangement with a local native American Tribe to participate in the week long workshop she would lead. An elder from the tribe attended the dance sessions to keep sacred space. This involved sitting in a meditative like state and beaming positive energy.

C: Oh I love that idea.

E: What if each of us could go out into our days and project a conscious loving presence. Of course we will not be in meditation when we go to work. We have duties to perform.

Wouldn’t it be like living a lovingkindness? And wouldn’t that occupy our being with positive vibes and not fear.

We would know we are a useful, valuable asset to the group. We could easily release any “should” to prove ourselves to colleagues.

C: Wow, I am attracted to that. I want to give it a try!

The JSJ session followed. Candice allowed herself to feel her harmony, ease and happiness.

Candice felt transformed and left her concerns behind her. She learned new perspectives and viscerally felt relief.

Was this post helpful? Do these words assist you with any of your own concerns? Please share! We grow together.

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