We all have felt hurt by another’s words. Do we know how much power we have to recover from that upset to compassion and to joy? Yes, we do!
In this post we will look in more detail at the incremental steps we make to change our mood. Early in the process we remember that we are the one out of balance. Ascribing blame to that other person or to ourselves does not serve our becoming happier. Instead, we want to shift our perception. We want ease and we want clarity.
Have we been feeling pretty good a lot of the time? Good for us—that helps establish a roll of good feeling, an energetic flow.
Ok we feel hurt in an exchange. What then? Read about one woman’s step by step approach.
How Dakota Proceeded
Dakota got quite upset by two sentences in an email from a man she was dating. Bless her heart, her mind raced, her heart pounded, she felt blamed, her defenses got triggered.
First, she noticed how upset she was. D admitted to herself, “I feel hurt! I feel overwhelmed. Let me calm myself.”
Actually, the first hour or so she slowed her breathing a bit. Her mind raced with reviewing the story of what seemed to have happened.
At this stage, our dear one’s perception was colored with emotions: resentment, fear and more. Dakota wrote out as a process ( not to send) what she could say in response, defending herself.
Not surprisingly, she did not feel much better so far: she was reviewing what she did not want with emotions.
Next, D accepted that she needed to distract herself.
“I cannot do creative work in this condition,” Dakota noticed. “But I can use my energy. I will see if I can clear a section of the kitchen counter. Oh look, that juicer could use deeper cleaning and the dish holding area.” Into that she dove.
“I have wanted to plant summer bulbs. Let me get busy with that.” And she did. Felt some satisfaction.
From experience Dakota knew to keep her mind on going forward as best she could. Admittedly, our star did write a short email to tell a friend she felt distress and was recovering (a bit of focusing on unwanted).
Mostly though she chose not to review the upset including, phoning supportive friends. Instead our heroine kept herself heading toward feeling better.
Into her mind flashed this awareness, “Oh I had gotten more frightened than angry. Oh my, I got scared that I won’t have the strength to continue to feel good around this person. I fear getting overrun with negativity. Oh. This is about getting past a fear.”
Dakota took a walk, did a longer yoga session.
Over some hours our star continued to create pleasant experiences for herself. It was sunny. The redbud trees were glorious in their bloom. Quite a number of families rode bikes together on the conservation land trail. Her garden was doing excellent with perennials getting taller each day.
Later That Day
She spoke with “that person” in early evening. By then D noticed she felt a good bit more centered. Yay some payoff!
Dakota decided to enjoy what she could in the conversation, laughing when she could. Staying in the moment.
Snuggled in the pillows for sleep, our dear one took note of the improvement she already was experiencing. D felt quite tired and tender.
Yes Dakota was clear she wanted more—all the way back to happy. D felt resilience, and she knew how to get back in the saddle.
Our star knew she had created the upset. Yes, she acknowledged she felt fear about her own foibles, past less powerful attitudes.
Now D was remembering her strength more and more. She felt drawn to reach for more happiness, and knew she would!
In the morning next day
Wowee, our dear one slept 10 hours, awoke to feel dramatically better, and could easily access happy.
Our heroine could think about the other person and feel relaxed and fine again.
Pretty cool, one day to re-boot. We build strength when we practice our power to ease our resentments!
Questions? Comments? Who wants to share their own stories of recovery to feeling happy? Please do!
About the Author
Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. She has a gift for inspiring others to know themselves compassionately and to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-three-year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange an appointment.