Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Compassion for Self in Dating


For those on the path of greater awareness and growth, we appreciate when we catch ourselves playing out a pattern which no longer serves us. Hold on a beat! We notice we don’t want to go where that thought pattern is going to take us. Then we can pivot and improve our results. YAY!

Creek in The Woods I, 16 x 20, $475

Here is an example that many readers can relate to:

Two friends, Lorna and Meredith, were both beginning to date after years of being single. After the encounter with “the man,” the women would huddle to share results and insights. Lorna had come home from a date and soon thereafter started saying to herself: “He is just not that into me”.  “Hmm,” thought Meredith, “I am getting a different impression from what Lorna related. To me greater optimism is warranted.  I tink good feeling is flowing on both sides.”

The next week Meredith had a date and soon after M heard in her head this comment: “I don’t think he liked me that much.”  In the moment those words felt true to her! But wait! Isn’t that phrase familiar? Our star thought,” Duh! Oh dear. I suspect this exemplifies how we women run past hurts in our heads!”

Here’s what Meredith did next:

  1. She appreciated that she had been awake to her internal dialogue. She wondered, “Is this a phenomenon of nutty girl thinking?” 😊
  2. Our star M focused on enjoying her day-to-day life– so rich in wonderful things- clients for healing, painting, friends calling, gardening, walks in nature, etc.

On a roll now, the following morning M recalled when the man from the date first laid eyes on her. In that instant he looked very glad to see her, admiration in his gaze. Meredith got an idea: in the privacy of her mind, she could run a movie of his positive gaze as many times as she wanted. She thought, “Why not play that in my mind rather than doubts about his opinion? I can uplift myself!  Inside I saw his big smile greeting me with an appreciative gaze.

Know what? Four days later he called. He wanted to thank me for a good time and would I like to go out with him again. The appreciative gaze was better guidance than the “Girl Nuts” programming of the past.

Take Always for Readers:

  • Do not believe everything you think!
  • Find the best feeling you can and groove with it.
  • If you find yourself thinking a disapproving thought, a thought you do not want, look for another preferable thought, image or feeling and review that in your mind, or
  • Dive into fun pursuits, roll with some cool thoughts or passionate project or other favored distraction, or
  • Appreciate yourself and your world– be specific (dare to be long-winded!) or
  • Do all of these!
  • Keep going!

Have a reaction to this small victory? Please share your comments or upbeat stories. We are changing the world as we uplift one another.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.

(Mission statement here).