Loretta uses online dating as a venue for growth. Isn’t she using online dating to meet men and find a boyfriend? Yes,  and while she is participating, she wants to enjoy herself as much as she can.  For her relishing this journey involves a bit of waking up.

At first she browsed the profiles screening not only for ones she admired, but also for ones for which she felt she was “good enough.” She would have self judgments running in her head as she gazed at the little photos on the internet. “He would never go for me,” often rang in her head.

When a man did not respond to an introductory salvo, she would tell herself, “I told you so,”  hanging her head in this confirmation of her view.

For months into years after her initial foray Loretta was practicing feeling satisfied and good about herself for all areas of her life.  Becoming more aware of her own filter,  the day came when she declared, “Wait a darn minute—  I am typing at my desk, sending a note off to an totally unknown man, and because I get no response, I interpret that as sign of being unworthy on the planet.  My feelings are hurt– but who is actually hurting me? What is wrong with this picture of suffering?”

Yes we humans can project our unhealed places onto those we encounter.  Perhaps the man who did not respond never had read the note, could be very shy, might hate his ex-wife and therefore her, feels bad about himself and on and on.  When we think “This means something bad about me,” this conclusion is not true.  And it feels so much better when the sender of messages realizes this. 🙂

We can make note of that habit in us, soothe ourselves and heal.  Why not make a list of many positive aspects of ourselves at these times? Or we can develop that roster right now and have it ready! Focusing on appreciating helps us grow love for ourselves and for everyone else.

So much fun for L to feel in her bones she is a fabulous catch for someone!  These days our heroine rules out the scammers with ease and confidence. She finds fun in playful exchanges.  Loretta has raised her self esteem and yes still learns about her past hurts as some unwanted emotions are triggered.  Yes, unearthed are more habits to change. When she experiences what she does not want, she knows more about for what she searches.

Each day of messages, waiting, wondering,  responses to meeting the correspondents shows her about herself, a journey of self awareness.

My reactions to the people with whom interact at the office, in the park, in my family show me myself. When we notice more and more how we view others, it can inspire us to shift some habits of thinking and create a happier future. I want to love myself and view others with positive regard.  From there I see so much more clearly!

Do you have questions? Want to share an example of how you are becoming more aware yourself? Please comment! We are all in this together!