Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

From Self Blame to Self-Compassion


Orange Forward, 20 x 24, $450

How do you activate compassion for yourself? How do you find it and allow it to flow more and more? Where to begin? This author will offer periodic posts on self-compassion providing guidance with true stories featuring a growing soul who acts more deeply in compassion for self.  Today, read on: two examples follow.

The Self-Blame Tirade

Sometimes we can call ourselves derogatory names in our head.

Lori had a first date with a fellow from an internet dating site. On the way home she heard herself internally saying, “You did not wear the right outfit, You cut him off in conversation. You were too outspoken”. Wow this line of thinking felt shaming, disempowering, awful! And in her nervous system those words running inside felt so much like the truth – at first.

Some practice kicks in– isn’t it great that Lori noticed she was the one spewing that and a big realization–those thoughts were bunk!

Yes, she wanted to feel better and wanted to slow that habit! It felt quite uncomfortable and she created it.

Yes, L knew she wanted to feel better than this!

Lori distracted herself, let natural good feeling return. Then she reframed her thinking—actually this star had done just fine. That man was not a match, a fact not so hard to accept. Our heroine felt so very much better!

The Self-Sacrifice Habit Unveiled

Mandy pulled the oracle card Codependency and then read its write-up. It said, ” … Addictions become a barrier to moving toward true emotional intimacy. This is especially true if you are twisting yourself in knots to please a person whose dependency has lessened his or her capacity for happiness.[1]

Oh Wow, a light bulb flashed for M: she realized how vitally important for her to keep her own balance when interacting with folks, especially ones she loves.

In her past her partner lost his job. Our heroine offered to cover his expenses until he had a new one. That turned out to be most of a year. During that time Mandy denied herself some pleasures, and felt resentment. Offering that support for that long strained her. Initially she enjoyed being generous. Then she became overly burdened, ignored that signal, and persisted “to be helpful” anyway.

When keeping happy, good to notice when the “sacrifice” kicks in. Install some alarms that ring: ding ding ding this is too much!

First step to recover: Mandy noticed she was allowing that habit to run. Ok yes, she had given more than she could comfortably do. Second, this dear woman made it ok.  She thought, “There is that habit again. So good to notice. I choose to shift now. Habits of thought take some time to shift.”

Review of steps:

  • Catch yourself,
  • Accept, and
  • Shift to a new way.

We do the best we can. This attitude is the embodiment of what it means to forgive yourself. Self-Compassion feels better!

Please submit your experience on how you are turning toward more self-support? Lots here to discuss and share. Comment!

[1] Virtue, Doreen, The Romance Angels Oracle Cards Guidebook, p. 22

About the Author

Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. She has a gift for inspiring others to know themselves compassionately and to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-three-year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl@streamofyes.com to arrange an appointment.


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