Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Episode of Growth


Isn’t it great how much we empower ourselves as we understand what is behind our episodes of anger or grief.  When we take a kind attitude towards ourselves, our understanding and acceptance grow deeper for both our own dear self and for others.

Read about one person’s account of how an uprising of anger toward another catalyzed learning more about herself. She gained more self-love with more choices for behavior going forward.

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Cassie and Polly have been friends for many years. Both women are growing, and some friction has developed.

Recently Cassie phoned Polly to ask if she wanted to attend a concert with her. Polly habitually reviews all the factors in order to decide: what would it involve for her, her hunger, her feelings and more.

Cassie does not want to listen to this processing. Yes she had done so in the past, but now she felt anger rise quickly. They began to argue, each defending her position. C pointed out she did not want to attend to Polly’s internal decision making. Polly was not willing to stop doing that. Before too long they ended the call unsatisfied.

Cassie did want to learn what was going on inside herself and in what way she could take more power in this situation. C knew that she did not rely on the other changing so that she could have more calm!

First, she thought she could stop interacting with Polly altogether. End that friendship.  Is that what she really wanted? Not really.

Our star was able to get some help with this from someone who was neutral and empowered herself.

Here are some points of perspective that this dear woman received as guidance:

  1. It is ok to have our buttons pushed. When we are growing, we can find ourselves feeling deeply and unexpectedly.
  2. When we are changing mental/emotional habits, we will catch ourselves “doing that thing we do.” It may seem we do it MORE than we did before we decided to change—this is because we have more awareness. Key point: this is part of this process and not something “bad” about us.

Cassie had noticed she used to listen more than she wanted to. She used to feel she had to do that as a friend. Now she no longer wanted to attend that much.

Wow she became aware that she felt shame that she used to “put up with it.”   Oh, is self-shaming what fueled the triggered anger today?

Ok this heroine could forgive herself right now for what she did in the past. She could have an exchange with this friend, choose not to listen, and feel calm as she did so. Oh wow.

Tuning in, Cassie felt relief from the anger and better about her situation with her friend. Shifting her thinking about it, forgiving herself, helped a lot. YAY!

This process evidences growing in self-mastery. Do you have some tales to report that inspire us all? Please comment!

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