When we bring our awareness to our infatuations and dating, we can learn much about ourselves. What if we took the attitude of “no blame: neither the Other nor Self,” creating a practice of compassion and understanding for all parties.
Do we realize that it is not to our advantage that the partner please us? In this perspective of compassion and growth we each create an environment for both parties to be free.
A Tale of Dating
Katia met a man and the two easily felt attracted to one another. Glenn called to ask her out, and K flowed along.
Early on Glenn shared that he had broken up a marriage not too long ago, and he was looking for a time with plenty of freedom and no complications.
At first Katia told herself she wanted freedom too. She thought she would have no problem honoring an arrangement with no strings.
Our star K knew she relished the attention. Admittedly, Katia thought about him a good bit. They had some dates and yes, she did want him to call.
One day after a few weeks, Glenn did phone and invited her to drop by.
K called him back. “Yes,” she told him, “I can come over. How long will the visit be? What are you thinking?”
Glenn got annoyed. He felt she was making it complicated.
K felt defensive and that he had a problem. She sought preparation. Wasn’t this reasonable? Why did he find her to complicates things?
What greater awareness could she bring to this bit of conflict?
Isn’t it easy for one person to want something from the other that is not easy for that other individual to offer?
Glenn wants relating to be easy with plenty of freedom.
It came to Katia that she had agreed to interacting with “no strings”. What did she really want? What was in her way of accepting these terms?
Shift to Compassion
Now with greater self insight Katia owned her upset to Glenn’s point of view. Ok she perceived that she did prefer that others lead and make decisions. to turn to others for leadership.
Come to think of it, she has older siblings and they have often taken care of difficulties.
She had signed on to date a man whose highest priority was his freedom.
If she could use this occasion to take excellent care of herself, how does that shift her feelings? Despite discomfort to begin, our heroine realized that is empowering: she rose to be able to perceive Glenn’s point of view without judging it. He wanted to have an honest interaction.
She could respect that.
On her end she was awakening to her own dear self’s position: she did want more involvement than he did. Good to notice what was going on in herself.
Instead of blaming, Katia could help herself by packing an overnight bag for the visit and bringing along some groceries—just in case. She would begin strengthening herself as independent and self-supporting.
Romantic interactions can stir us up. If we choose, we can learn more about what goes on inside us, perhaps some of our out-dated habitual thinking. As we train ourselves in new perspectives, ones of compassion and “no-blame”, we expand our comprehension greatly and enjoy ourselves so much more. We never “lose”; we are constantly enriched.
Do you have a parallel story you want to share? Want to challenge this post or ask some questions? Please comment! We grow with one another!