As we practice mindfulness, we discern when our perception is clouded with past hurts. This piece offers an example of one man shifting his previous position from what was a long past unwanted experience to one of seeing a positive future, to expect the good.
Malin’s Story Begins
Last year Malin dated Tara for a month. At the time Malin wanted her to attend some events near his home, and Tara was reluctant to travel much to his part of the state. For M that was very frustrating.
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Now Malin and Tara worked together on a project, got talking and decided to do some things together. M suggested a trip to two particular destinations that he really wanted to show her, both involved some travel for Tara. This time T agreed she would go to see those special places with him soon.
Our hero recommended they do both sites in the same day. Back and forth they emailed, checking calendars and suggesting days and times. Further and further out went the suggested date, until it became almost a month away. This gave Tara pause: she wanted to follow the impulse to play together sooner than that.
In her next communication T inquired, “Do you have your heart set on seeing both in one day?” This dear man confessed he worried she would not come twice. “Last year you seemed reluctant to travel to this area.” He shared, “and back then I admit, I felt aggravated at not having a chance to show you these things. To me seeing them both in one day seemed a practical way to achieve satisfaction.”
Malin Updates His View
Malin paused to think a moment. “I see now that I have been holding onto that frustration. Hey I can let that go. Right now it sounds ok to do them one at a time and facilitate the scheduling, requiring a shorter block of time free on the calendars.”
Probably most everyone has been disappointed or hurt in the past and then made the assumption it will happen that way next time. We have a unpleasant emotional reaction (frustration, upset, discouragement, hurt, anger, etc) that other time and now we think it will play out similarly> We might unconsciously assume we protect ourselves this way.
We see now that it is a form of fear. When we hold onto the feeling, I expect it again and then I create it to happen again.
Wait a minute! We vibrate with what we do not want. By predicting it, we create it again. When it does occur again, we think we are right! Oh my. Such a common phenomenon that we have all experienced!
What do we know as we update our thoughts and feelings? When we vibrate with the expected success in mind, we have a great chance of molding what we do want.
The Reframe
Malin can say to himself, “I want to relax and enjoy the time with Tara. I love the places to which I am guiding her. Escorting her, I will tune into the ease and flow of the moments. This year Tara lives in a more relaxed and happy state. Wow, I have changed, too and I release those dusty old perspectives for this invigorating new one! YAY!”
Let’s bring our predictions up to the light of day. What do we expect? Wouldn’t we relish anticipating a good time where things go well. The more we experience a good feeling flow the easier it is to shift our expectations.
At first Malin expected Tara to resist traveling twice to his area. It was what he feared based on a year ago. Instead M let out a breath, realized this was a different situation, appreciated now, and anticipated enjoying their time together. They did go on an outing and had a lovely time. 🙂
Would you like to have more fun? Please notice what you expect and use that as a means to steer your thoughts toward what you prefer. Trust yourself and feel the joy!
What do you notice after reading this post? Please comment and share your questions, harmonious experiences, or inspiring thoughts!
About the Author
Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. She has a gift for inspiring others to know themselves compassionately and to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-three-year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl@streamofyes.com to arrange an appointment.