Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

A Clearing Self Blame Moment


As we grow in focusing on Good, we flush up past moments of self- blame and clear them one at a time! Hooray! We realize certain self-put- down habits of thought are no longer true and now we want to refocus and align with Good.

That first step of recognizing some negative on self is a success already. We let these irritants come to the surface and then question them. Do I still believe this?

Dame Rocket Spring, 9 x 12, Acrylic, $120

Second, are these poorer feeling thoughts true to us now? Do we want to shift that habit of thought? For those images that were unkind and limiting, we most certainly DO want to change them.

An Example from Natalie

Natalie lost an item in her wardrobe and spent a day searching, releasing the need to find it, then finding it.

As she sat with all that effort, she recalled her father near to his dying day telling her she was “too hard on herself”. At the time, she felt like that label was a “bad thing,” i.e. that she should not be.

During that search for a piece of clothing, N woke up to what self-talk she had been running. She had been worried that she had made some mistake, of discarding something she did want, and of being too disorganized. “Oh My,” thought N, “Am I too hard on myself? Did I just demonstrate that quality again?”  If she was showing that unwanted attribute, then that habit of thought said she had a deep flaw.

Wait a Minute! Let’s Reframe

“I rise to put this story in perspective!” cried Natalie internally.

“So what if I had habit of self-blame in that stage of life! That was a coping mechanism of the situations in which I found myself.”

Our heroine continues, “I had parents who each turned to me for support as.  they went through a messy divorce filled with blame for one another. Neither parent ever mentioned wanting to safeguard the feelings of me or my brothers.

Without realizing it each parent asked me to function at a level I could not possibly do elegantly at age 18. For me back then, I did not know how to care for myself lovingly and support parents.

I had been supporting them, stuffing my own feelings. I could not give them what they needed and did not meet my own needs either! Then I felt badly that I did not succeed.”

Accessing Anger

For a moment N tapped into anger at those parents and also that label. “Too hard on myself”

In the present moment feeling that rage felt satisfying. And our star then knew how to champion herself despite that categorization.

“So what if I still harbor some habits of thought that cast me in “lesser” light? I am well along with speaking to myself kindly and in this moment I claim more compassion for the young person who did her best under impossible circumstances. “

At that time no one had ever modeled caring for his or her own dear self. Up to then, no one she had ever met knew how to be supportive while caring for his or her own boundaries.

In present time Natalie flowed with loving understanding for that young woman of her past. N forgave herself and she released that denigrating label.

What a caring and brave person she had been and still is!

Have you uncovered outdated assumption about self and reevaluated them? Have you reclaimed your dignity and cast away past misperceptions? Please share your story—Help us see that we all can do this and how good it feels!

About the Author

Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. In these posts composed of true stories, she inspires others to know themselves and compassionately to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-five year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.

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