Many of us feel guilt and shame and at times judge our actions. Wow what a very uncomfortable feeling! That inner voice of condemnation can sound so true! In truth we are wondrous beings growing toward Good!
Let’s review some methods for soothing ourselves when that is happening. Over time we can learn to skip the judgment altogether. In this post we can take a look at some key recommendations provided in the book Radical Forgiveness[1] by Colin Topping.
Sylvana’s Story
Sylvana had been enjoying a friendship with a woman for over 6 years now. They checked in each week and often arranged some outing they could both enjoy: a lunch, browsing in a charity shop, talking a walk.
Each recognized they had many differences and still they appreciated one another staying largely on topics they shared.
Sylvana in particular, wanted to focus on what she could enjoy together, looking for the good and finding it.
During the last year, new tensions arose with pressures on the women from pandemic and polarized attitudes.
One day the friend called S in distress, shared deep upset and blamed her for it. This woman announced she could no longer be her friend and this was goodbye.
For Sylvana this was shaking, unnerving, disappointing. Her mind went to a common refrain under such circumstances, “What did I do wrong?”
Tipping offers some guidance for self forgiveness that S decided to employ.
1) Take responsibility and Accept What Occurred.
S accepted her active participation here. Of course she had played a role. She could reach for accepting what had occurred. Of course she would continue to thrive. This would be ok.
2) Notice the self judgments.
In her mind S did start down the road to blaming herself. Our star began to tell herself that she had shared too much and ventured to areas where they do not agree. She put one foot on the path to “Boy I did something ‘wrong’!”
Sylvana had been practicing self love for awhile now. Alert she had been she was catching herself fairly promptly when she heard self judgment. “Wasn’t it great,” she thought, ” that during that phone call I reached for a kind attitude even as the other accused her of various transgressions!”
2a) So many of us humans experience thoughts like this.
Yes we notice self judgments and we can make it ok that we have them. This lady knew that “making it ok includes the self blame–this phenomenon runs rampant in our culture.
Good Awareness! We noticed and now have power to shift.
3) Cultivate a willingness to accept oneself as is.
S had let herself flow with some opinions, express as she loved to do. Her friend really did not like what this protagonist had said, and this friend got disturbed. Alas, our heroine greatly valued her clarity and knew she had been true to herself.
4) Tune into this present moment.
Sylvana called another for support and continued her practices of uplifting and loving herself. She put more focus on tuning into what she could enjoy—the landscapes, her creativity, reaching out to make new friends and enrich the connection with others in her environment.
Yes, this lovely woman heard birds chirping all winter, relished the music that played in her head after she left folk dancing class and more.
Depending upon the depth of hurt, forgiving can take some focus and time. The effort carries fabulous pay off. It is so worthwhile to experiment with Tipping’s suggestions, learning when and how they help us. Let’s employ what’s useful in our toolkit for changing our habits of thought.
Please share what happens for you in the comments. What questions arose, if any? What parts enriched you? It feels so good to lift our guilt and let life flow!
Collaboration with Readers
The author wants to respond to concerns and questions from readers. Do you have a circumstance about which you could use a hand shifting your point of view? Please comment with your suggestion or question. Together we are creating a more satisfying journey! Really please ask for what you would like to know to shift your thinking!
About the Author
Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. In these posts composed of true stories, she inspires others to know themselves and compassionately to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-five year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.
[1] Colin C Tipping, Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle(Marietta, GA:Global 13 Publications Co, Trust, 1997)