Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Self Love: Dating, Mating, Relating

Chipper Pink Day, 24 x 30, Acrylic with Texture on Canvas, $495

Chipper Pink Day, 24 x 30, Acrylic with Texture on Canvas, $495

I know when I first started to read about self love in the 1980’s , I really did not know what it meant to love oneself. Which of my behaviors was self loving at that time? How to act in a kind way to myself while getting along with mates, family, work colleagues?

In my case I got along well with others using the strategy to keep my feelings held inside. In my family my mother was boss and I flowed with her will– that was easier for me and it was very effective. Currently as I interact with dear ones with a strengthened level of self support, I am coming to new insights about self love. I intend for the anecdotes shared below to spark your interest about what growing into self love can look like.

Claire has a new beau. They had been enjoying weekly dates with some communication calls, emails and texting between them. Recently she did not hear the man for two days. Formerly she would have felt this signaled a waning of interest, that his feelings for her had changed. She would have had felt nervous and created scenarios that frightened her in her mind. After all, she had formerly reasoned , it only takes a second to say something sweet. If he cared he could easily write, couldn’t her?

This time she wanted to grow into a new level of self mastery. Instead of allowing a horror story to unfold in her mind, she soothed herself. She noticed so many things to appreciate in her life– her business, her children, her friends, her dog, her surroundings, etc. What a great life she has whether this man texts or not! She reached for knowing her good, robust, delightful life does not at all depend on this bit of communication.

She got to a calm and accepting place, reviewed the sweet times she and her beau had shared. She was so proud of herself for telling a new story inside when the emailing did not go as she had planned. Nothing’s going wrong! I am fine.  And in just a little while the man contacted her, and they continue enjoying one another.

In the past Colleen bad mouthed her marriage. For years now she has been changing her thinking and in her recent months spends much time appreciating how many wonderful things she experiences around her. She is keeping her eye on the prize of what she wants most of the time. Recently her man, after drinking, announced his intention to take a vehicle out to drive around in the snow.. sliding, skidding– a version of play. In the past this kind of outing has not gone well for the vehicle.

This time she was filled with strong energy and clarity: she did not want that vehicle damaged. She communicated this with firmness and energetic punch.  Later when she spoke with me, she wanted to know if she was following her guidance in that moment. The way I see it, at the prospect of a damaged vehicle, she got very clear that she did not want that and she DID want vehicles in tact. She summoned her power and communicated that.  Instead of screaming in a rage or huff, she found an authoritative voice and a calm tone.   I think this behavior is a form of self love. And it was effective for  the well being of her vehicle. Soon, she returned to focus on appreciating :).

Lana met a new man, viewed him with fondness. He is selling his property and in a moment of enthusiasm and generosity, she offered to loan him her statue of St Joseph which she had used successfully to sell her house years before. After she sent off the email, she felt a twinge — oh dear she hardly knew him and she realized she wanted that statue back: it still held meaning for her. Next email the fellow provided his mailing address and was ready to accept it. There she was, feeling a pull to keep it, but she had offered it.  Hmmm.

She went into the kitchen to putter and refocus. She was looking for a means to care for this place inside that wanted the statue still and also to follow through with what she had said– usually she did.

Pop! what about the internet? She explored and discovered many entrepreneurs online who proffer these statues at reasonable prices, apparently commonly used to sell homes. Viola! She sent one to him and put hers back on the shelf. She looked for and found a method not to throw over her needs to please another. That is what self loving looked like to her that day.

Dear Readers–  have you enjoyed reading about some ways self loving shows up?

  • Self Soothing and telling a new story about past fears
  • Standing in  power in clarity and calm
  • Attending to inner child in lieu of pleasing others or facing their judgments.

Do you have accounts about self loving you want to share? Examples help us all grow. Or do you have questions about the topic? I welcome your emails at jpearl@streamofyes.com. Isn’t it fun to practice gazing at another facet of our own beauty?





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