Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Power in Dating


Tender Lovers, 16 x 20, Acrylic with Texture on Canvas

Tender Lovers, 16 x 20, SOLD

Rhonda is learning to use her personal power while dating.  How many of you readers are dating at this stage in life? Rhonda has played in the dating arena now for over 10 years. Wow is it an avenue to stir up lots of outdated thinking! She gets to perceive in herself lots of conventional wisdom in the culture. Big time.

A recent example: On one of the online dating services a man, Eric, contacted her and they began to see one another. Actually is he one of the best people she has met online.

The first time Rhonda and Eric met for dinner, they chatted away easily, sharing meaningful information about themselves, laughing and enjoying. Rhonda felt like she had known him for awhile. Before they parted, Eric asked her out for another time. They saw each other about twice a week, he continuing the practice of setting up the next time they would meet before parting.

Rhonda started to worry and not feel very good between dates. What was going on in her mind? She did not want to get too excited; she did not want to get hurt. Was he a good match? He was separated, not divorced– was this “rebound”? Would he go back to his wife?  and more… other questions ran through her.

Rhonda knew she wanted to feel good and, bless her, she recognized that this line of thinking did not feel good.  Honestly, she admitted to herself she had gotten kind of wound up and realized she was going down the wrong path with these questions.. What to do?

She wrote, she sat, she gazed into a beautiful natural scene. She spent time alone. What was going on here?  She recognized that those questions were a form of fear.

In what felt like a bold move, she decided to discard the dating tips from the culture– throw out concerns about rebound, not pursue analysis about ” a good match” and the rest. In fact she reached for pretty much letting go of  what ifs altogether.

Instead this guidance came to her– Tuning into feeling good was all she had to do.

Did she enjoy being with this man? yes.

Did she enjoy talking with him? yes, very much.

That was all she needed to know for now.

She decided to trust herself to receive further wisdom as she proceeded. Her mantra: Stay in the present moment.  If she starts to experience one of the many forms of fear, breathe through it, soothe herself. Keep going.

Chatting with friends, our heroine knows other women ( and men too) find this dating stuff to really stir the pot of past hurts, personal insecurities, low self esteem, and more.  By continuing to date this man, she signs on to process much of her stuff from other relationships and periods of her life.  If she feels filled with nagging questions, how can she expect to see this man clearly? She can’t. She can soothe herself privately and return to present time– she can return to having fun.  She wants to enjoy her life … with an companion. For now she is enjoying the courtship– and now is where she lives!

Do you have any comments? Do you have questions or want to share your own stories of power in dating. Please click on the browser version and then scroll to the comment box below the post.  I love hearing from you.

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