Jalmina had been irritated by a series of things going awry for her. In March her sink backed up, an online account was hacked, her computer had a blip of non-functioning and more– you get the idea. Then one april morning in a moment of irritation, feeling impatient and hurried, she backed her car into another vehicle that was parked askew. Oh my her body mind spirit was flooded with panic and self blame–those feelings poured in. Having done quite a bit of inner work, she wanted to think she would return to balance easily– just a few minutes and…
Not the case. She handled what needed to be done, notifying the owner, exchanging information, etc. A neighbor said, “These things happen. It will be ok.” That wash of kindness over her felt really good, highlighted against her horror.
On she traveled to her destination that morning- a yoga class. There her friend shared how she had an awful and embarrassing fender bender in her own driveway, hitting her husband’s truck. A little relief trickled in as she got a glimpse of a bigger picture, where she was just like others. Our heroine was able to notice what she did– her mind kept reviewing the incident, hearing the crunch sound… she kept blaming herself and calling herself stupid. Part of her knew it was wiser to get her mind on something else– the yoga helped. And the visceral reaction continued– with added fuel of the mind continuing to review.
Later that day she found on her bookshelf There’s Nothing Wrong with You by Cherie Huber. Huber explains how most people in our culture have self hate running and much fear. Reading that, Jalmina derived some comfort, knowing that what was happening in her was so much a part of a larger cultural habit of thought, so common to many.
Another work Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping came to mind and from it Jalmina got some relief. Some steps recommended by Tipping: Take responsibility for what was created and make it ok. Notice the judgments of self being created, make it ok to have these human, understandable thoughts. Cultivate a willingness to accept oneself as you are. Feel what is present now. Come alive in this moment. Feel ok with that.
Just after the “blip” she did not remember much in the way of uplifting phrases or tools. What could she access? So sweet– she pictured Guardian Angels, Michael among them, close by and touching her. To them she was still worthy and lovable. 🙂 By the evening of that first day she felt a good bit of improvement. She read a good thriller and gave her mind a rest. She talked with friends who would be supportive and soothing.
By the second day she started to have fun again. Something shifted for her. Jalmina notices that her perceptive filter can be so filled with horrible feelings– and that her view can and does clear before too long. She wants to renew her connection to Unseen Good.
Weeks went by and she got clearer insight. Wow what a good look at the depth of the self judging thoughts that were inside her– she really did not want those to run her life. Sort of like a little thread loose or a teeny hole and we ignore it– when it gets bigger we realize we have to deal with it if we want to keep wearing that sweater…. Wait a minute Jalmina said to herself– I want happiness more than I want to feel so awful.
Two weeks later now she feels deeper in her calm. She feels more steady in taking life in stride. In those first hours she could not picture any good coming from this contrasting episode, and fun to report– something really fine is showing up. By Golly it does feel like a rocket of desire was launched– she got clearer she wants to stand by herself steadfastly and with greater ease. This deeper settling feels marvelous. Wow who knew how good it could feel to accept the frailties of humanity– to accept she is one of the pack and just fine.
Do you have a story of forgiving that you want to share? How we let go of attitudes and recover makes powerful medicine to share. Please write to email@example.com. Smile and breathe…
- Take care and be extra kind to yourself
- Use your body and feel into sensations.
- Use some modality that is physically relaxing, uses breath like yoga, tai chi, or something that works for you– if that calls you.
- Make it ok to have uncomfortable feelings pass through