Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Noticing Self Blame Worthwhile


So many of us blame ourselves in harsh and hurtful ways. Isn’t it wonderful to know that the shaming tone of those words is not true at all– Self Blame is a habit of thought that we can change.

Below one story of  releasing the grip of self blame bit by bit, getting to more ease.

View at Graves Mill, 16 x 20, $475

View at Graves Mill, 16 x 20, $475

Jalmina had been irritated by a series of things going awry for her. In March her sink backed up, an online account was hacked, her computer had a blip of non-functioning and more– a series of frustrating and unwanted events.

Then one April morning while feeling rushed, irritated and impatient, she backed her car into another vehicle that was parked askew in her driveway. Oh my! her body-mind-spirit was flooded with panic and self blame–those feelings poured in. She wanted to think she would return to balance easily– just a few minutes and…

No this deeply upset her.. She handled what needed to be done, notifying the owner, exchanging information, etc. A neighbor said, “These things happen. It will be ok.” That wash of kindness over her felt really good, highlighted against her horror.

Later that morning at yoga class her friend shared how she had an embarrassing fender bender in her own driveway, hitting her husband’s truck. A little relief trickled in as she got a glimpse of a bigger picture, where she was just like others.

Our heroine was able to notice what she was doing– her mind kept reviewing the incident, hearing the crunch sound… she kept blaming herself and calling herself stupid. Part of her knew it was wiser to get her mind on something else– the yoga helped.  But the visceral reaction continued.

There’s Nothing Wrong with You by Cherie Huber brought a bit of soothing. It  explains how most people in our culture have self hate running and much fear as well.  Some relief for her to know her reaction was so much a part of a larger cultural habit of thought, so common to many.

Though some of her self help tools felt out of reach, our dear one was able to picture Guardian Angels, Michael among them,  close by and touching her.  Through that lens she remained worthy and lovable. 🙂  By the evening of that first day she felt more accepting of herself.

Next day shifting continued: she started to have fun again. Jalmina became more aware that she was the one creating a horror.  She can stop doing that!  Reaching for connection to Unseen Good was working!

Jalmina was gaining perspective on how active were self judging thoughts inside her– she really did not want those to run her life.

Sort of like a little thread loose or a teeny hole that we ignore– when it gets bigger we realize we have to deal with it if we want to keep wearing that sweater…. “Wait a minute,”  Jalmina said to herself. ” I want happiness more than I want to feel so awful.”

Two weeks later she felt deeper calm.  In those first hours she could not picture any good coming from this contrasting episode. Before too long striding forward, the self awareness produced very important insights that continue.

Hooray for ther clarity how much she found the will to stand steadfastly by herself!.  This deeper settling feels marvelous. Who knew how good it could feel to accept the frailties of humanity– to accept she is one of the pack and just fine?

Do you have a story of self- forgiveness to share?  How we let go of attitudes and recover makes powerful medicine to share. Please comment.

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