Profound truth: experiences related to dating scene may flush up material from our past. Aaa– yea. Not just a little.
Here is an account from a friend:
Mary Ann assessed the man on a first date and found some annoying qualities. She felt disappointment and annoyance (and probably some other emotions too). Well she supposed there was some good in this discomfort she felt: on one hand she wanted what she wanted ( humph!) and on the other she recognized that she was judging a new acquaintance, that this state did not feel good. She remembered– oh yes, she would prefer to feel better and to open her heart. In that moment there she was feeling those feelings. Her upset increased as she saw the gap between how she wanted to be processing this experience and how poorly she was feeling. She judged her discomfort, and, as she focused on her tension, she got more tense. Drat! She had spent three hours with the new man.
That evening she attended a group meditation and used the quiet room to process, asking herself what place inside herself was hurt. She summoned a guardian angel and together they shone light there. Oh, she knew that she wanted more attention from the date. Then she tracked it to a particularly traumatic memory from her teenage years where her feelings had not been considered by the adult in the situation, in that case her father.
Focusing on that hurt space, she felt a shift in the deep pain of that old story. What was that? How good it would feel for a loving adult to be present with what she was feeling. Here she was in her present communing with an inner guide to understand and heal what she had experienced back then. In that deep contemplation she got what she needed in past, present and future– validation for how much that past occurrence had hurt. At that earlier stage of life she did not know have the emotional skills to handle what was happening ( it was part of her parents divorce). Now sitting in the dark room she felt the pain lessen: she had been, was and will continue to be ok, a dear one.
Yes another person was hurt– she had condemned herself as “the cause”; she had blamed herself for someone else’s pain. This self judgment had the sting. Meanwhile in that past incident she had not been acknowledged or soothed for her feelings; now she and her Angel can give herself what she needed. She spent hours that evening feeling and releasing that old stuff. From here and forward she is empowered to bear witness to her own times of feeling poorly. It felt like a forgiveness bath for all the players in that drama from years ago.
After a few days, she realized that she had more tolerance for the new man than she had felt the day of theri meeting. Enjoying her interest, she wrote a note to make contact again. He responded, and they exchanged ideas for another get-together. Ahh she relished feeling a fresh beginning under way. Bigger point yet– whatever happened with this particular “date”, she prized feeling easy inside where before she had felt tightness and tension. She loved the light hearted sense inside and the presence now of her playful spirit.
She appreciated much in what had transpired:
- She recognized that she was judging this man very quickly. She knew it did not feel good.
- Later the same day she took the time to dive deeply into what was happening.
- Wow she noticed that she could easily bring a soothing presence to her healing process once she realized what was needed.
- Wow she used her empowered self, years of practice in the making, to clean up an outdated hurt.
- Wow this contrasting few hours really served to help her go after a clarity and ease that she had wanted for years.
- Wow she worked the process and it produced really cool results.
- Fun to emphasize that the dating journey helped her get happier — producing some contrast she used for her advantage. She cleaned it up and she felt better. YAY
- Good addendum: it took a few days for her to realize all of these appreciations!
Undoubtedly, most readers have released past hurts and felt relief. Certainly it wasn’t the first time for Mary Ann either. This time she was more acutely aware of the power of making what she felt alright– accepting where she was in the moment. Breathing into that before the reaching for feeling better. Not moving past that too quickly. Being ok as she has been; she is in this now ; and in any way she might show up in the future.
Do you want to comment or tell one of your stories of making yourself good when the outdated inner messages labeled you “wrong” or having “screwed up”, “having made a mistake?” What you share has value for all of us. It may feel good to let us know you can relate :). “Talk” to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.