Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Steps of the Process Toward Feeling Better

Close to Mint Spring, 24 x 30, Acrylic $525

Close to Mint Spring, 24 x 30, Acrylic $525

I thought it might be useful ( and even fun 🙂 ) to put together  a number of the elements of how I am living. Usually in blog posts, I pick one or more of these elements and offer examples. Those who have been reading for a while know that repetition of the themes flows naturally– each of us goes over and over what we want to be doing as we notice the habits of thoughts that are not heading in the direction of feeling good.

  1. Great place to start: Awareness of what I am feeling.

I pay more attention to how I feel moment to moment. Oh I love feeling good!! And hmmm gee as I tuned in I found that often I was sort of numb or not feeling that great– sort of “average”– sort of  “coping” or “getting the job done”. I dubbed it “neutral sludge”.

Once I notice this is not what I want to be feeling, then what? My feelings are my guidance. I become more aware of what I don’t want– then I turn to what I do want…

On a more subtle level I may be able to track to what thoughts created the feelingHonestly, for me in the early days quite regularly the culprit thoughts are versions of ” I am not enough”, ” I feel worried that I am not enough”, ” I am afraid to notice if I am enough”, etc.  Other kinds of thoughts might be “I gotta get this done” ,”I have to push through” ‘ I have a job to do and I do it.

Please feel free to send me emails with other examples of thought here. The list can be endless. So many message of worry, fear, too much effort, anger, resentment, etc!

  1. Soothing Myself

a. Perceive as Source sees. See as Inner Being sees

 Any feeling less than good means I am not seeing as Inner Being sees. For example, Inner Being knows I am enough– no question about it. I am always seen with compassion. I want to “cut myself a break”, be kind, recall I am loved already ( as are all other humans).  It is important to make where I am ok right now. To recall that nothing is going wrong.

B. Slow Momentum on feeling poorly and Turn it Around

 After thinking for less than half a minute we have begun to create momentum either toward feeling good or the other direction. So let’s say( just in case it comes up) that we have gotten momentum going toward not feeling so great.  What then? Isn’t it fun to realize that becoming aware that I feel less than good slows the momentum. As I said above, just noticing, becoming more aware of how I feel starts the process of going toward what I want.

  1. Focus on Something Else/ Distract myself

 Say I notice I am grumpy but still feel it pulsing. Am I willing to read a novel or watch a movie? Often I am. For some of my friends, they would love to go ride their horse or take a run. I find taking a swim is like a reboot. What are your tricks to get your mind off your discomforts? Play around and find something to occupy yourself that requires your focus.

  1. Appreciating

When I return from distracting myself, I might notice some things about my life I really like. Isn’t it great that the sun came out this week after all that rain? I basked in the temperate air, the colors, the brightness. I have had a chance to visit with some friends. I’m reading some books that really please me…..  What do you list when you want to appreciate? Which things, people, qualities easily bring your spirits up? Many people look at nature and it works without effort. Some know thinking of their grandchildren always makes them crack a big smile.

5. Keep going toward what you want you feel better

 Maybe you can remember or notice even more things that are going well. Oh I just remembered I got a big smile from that person in the supermarket parking lot! A nice person let me in the line in traffic. I got a coupon for an item I really love to buy.

As I notice what is going well, more of what I appreciate flows to me. And, too, I notice that less than good feelings may come up and it is easier and easier to return to feeling good.

A quick example of applying these steps.

Leslie was visiting a male friend. They were fairly new to one another and lived at a distance. He had invited her to come a distance to visit where they could kayak in the afternoon. Kindly he offered her to sleep in the spare room if she felt too tired to do the drive home that evening.

As she passed the evening with him watching a movie, he made some comments about cuddling on the couch. In response, she felt a wave of self consciousness. That night in the spare room, her mind started to race with reaction: she needed to get out of there. She was not ready for cuddling so she better leave in the morning. Feeling tense, definitely she did not feel good.

Her practice of the Process described here paid off:

Awareness: Part of her realized that she had become afraid. Awareness of feelings slows momentum

Notice thinking Her go-to move in fear is to withdraw and that was what she was thinking. Wait! She decided to review some other possibilities.

 Self-soothing: Did she do something wrong? Really did not think so. What had gone wrong again? Nothing is going wrong!!

Distraction : She fell asleep for awhile. Then awoke in the middle of the night, clear thinking streaming forth.  Wait a minute Leslie realized she had been assuming that she was making the man unhappy and that she needed to fix that… Wait! She realized her only job was to feel good for herself.

Appreciation: she was soothing herself. She was so pleased that she was slowing the momentum , feeling some mastery. Though alone here in bed, she was skillfully assisting herself to recover from an upset, to feel better. YAY for her!

See as Source sees : Source did not think she was doing anything wrong. She was so tickled she could acknowledge that.

She calmed. Keep going toward what makes you feel better: Clearer to see that she wanted to do the activities they had planned for tomorrow. Then after that, she would enjoy returning home to see her friends, organize her affairs, teach a class, etc. Now beginning to feel better she remembered there was so much she enjoyed about her life.

Was this post useful? Do you have comments or questions?  Please write to jpearl@streamofyes.com.  Source sees you as Awesome and so do I and so can you!

 

 

 

 

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