This week I felt insulted by what a male interest of mine said. You see, I want him to highly value me and show it with his words. I did not take his words as meeting my models for respect. I felt hurt and disappointed.
I had not seen him for many months. In my mind if you travel 2 hours to come to this area, you visit me– end of discussion. If he liked me, he would. Well he got a job to his delight and with his available time went to visit 25-year friends instead of me. ( I had seen him four times to date over 9 months). He and I really cannot be seen as close friends…
Ok Ok as I calmed myself down I saw that his actions made sense from his point of view. He recently got divorced, he wants to keep his allies close with him as he embarks on a big life change. Seeing it from his point of view.. that is part of the process of seeing as Inner Being sees. Seeing a person in his or her innocence doing the best they can. As I do that, I soothe myself– isn’t that interesting to notice?
As I cut the other person some slack, I actually cut myself slack too.
I soothed my disappointment when I realized that from his point of view this was not about respecting Janet or not. This was his way of caring for himself. If I were asked, I would want him to care excellently for himself.
I want to respect myself. I want to let in the Love that is flowing all around me. I want to feel good. Wouldn’t it be nice if I opened my heart to myself and feel love flowing to me already? I want to feel great now!
My feeling hurt was MY guidance letting me know that I was not seeing MYSELF as Inner Being sees me. Isn’t that cool? Inner Being already loves me. Really I am already getting what I want.
This kind of thinking, plus exercising, yoga, Feldenkrais, friends, laughter, reading a great novel, getting long and luscious nights sleep— these are ways I process the contrast and get clearer what I do want. I want to feel loved and respected now.
I practice that. I open to that.
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