We want to be kind to others, value friends and care about them. Do we put others first even if we get exhausted? Now we want to offer generosity and kindness while balanced in self-expression and excellent self-care. How can Forces of Good offer clarity about this piece of relating?

The Illustration

Margherita met Derek as a date, went out a few times, became friendly. She could tell he was interested in her, and she realized he was not a good match for her. He dominated the conversation, rarely asking her a question. Mostly she had the role of attentive listener. Yes, the fellow had both emotional and health needs: a bout with cancer and related treatment. M could enjoy a visit for an hour or two, no problem. Longer term M knew an alliance would not work for her.

At first our heroine felt self protective, an impulse to run away from this type of person. “Yikes, I might get overrun with someone else’s requirements?” she thought.  

These days Margherita can skip guilt and shame at not serving someone who ignored her expression and who wanted to jump into her metaphorical arms. Instead in relaxation and confidence our star can maintain her self-support and fulfill her own agenda. This clear minded soul will move toward persons with whom she has a satisfying, fluid exchange.

Almost a year later, Margherita wanted to check in on Derek’s health and other progress. During that time M has built more strength in holding an attitude of acceptance and relaxation.

M texted D, they exchanged and she caught up on his story. During the back and forth our heroine reported some things about herself, including sending a photo of a recent painting.  Derek made no comment on her story or her art and kept his narrative coming.

Now more aware than ever, this protagonist is practicing new habits of thought. Formerly, she might have allowed shame to flow in or accepted blame others might put on her. This dear woman might have felt obligated to assist someone in need beyond the point where she could feel happy, afraid of a burdened future. In this moment a more confident Margherita was learning more about what loving herself looked like.

Punchline

Margherita reaches for being as kind as she can. She has many interactions where she listens, acknowledges and accepts the dear human doing the best he or she can.

This year Margherita lives in the flow of life with greater confidence. She takes excellent care of herself as a high priority. Generosity flows as she lives a happier life.

Do you have questions about this post? Do you have thoughts to share or a similar account? Men, is this piece helpful to you or was your acculturation too different for it to pertain? Please comment.

About the Author

Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. In these posts composed of true stories, she inspires others to know themselves and compassionately to develop skills of empowerment. In her forty-five year journey of self-discovery, she has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.