Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Controlling Another Person

Purple Flowers Arising, 9 x 12, Acrylic with Texture on Canvas

Purple Flowers Arising 2010

In my understanding of the Laws of the Universe we cannot control another person. With some focusing and practice we can learn to “control” ourselves, master habits we learned in the past, change beliefs we hold. Particularly when a loved one is in distress, some kind of trouble or when we have difficulty relating to that person, we can have the impulse to want to control them. But we can’t. How do we feel good in the face of such a situation?

Here is what I do. I picture my loved one in her perfection. I envision her healthy strong, master of her impulses, feeling happy. When I was with my mother at her dying, I pictured her in a bubble of light, happy and dancing. I ran that image in my mind with her in her hospital bed, when she was complaining, when she slept. I did this for myself—it kept my mind in a positive place. I had something to do when I could have felt frustrated and helpless.

What happened was more than “worth reporting”—it was astonishing! My mother became a very positive person when she had been quite grumpy.  This woman who had raised me paid me more compliments in her last two weeks of life than in all my 55 years up to that point. Here is what I noticed: it was like I created an atmosphere of Light, of positive energy, that she could choose to join or enter. I did not “control her” and I did not intend to change her—but I created a space that was inviting.

We can see our loved ones as whole. We can do this for our own sake and do it until inside ourselves we no longer worry about them or see their “problem”.  We see the perfection already there on the invisible level. We cannot lose because in the process we are training our mind toward more vision of Good. This is something we can “do”.



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