I have re-edited this piece and post it now for your enjoyment.
When in distress, I observe how my habits of thought flow, running with adrenaline to review the problem. I’ve discovered it works well for me to keep my attention on what I DO want, not to think over what is not going as I prefer. As much as I have a pull to look for a “solution” while upset, I think it best to let it go, distract myself with other focuses and come back around to it when refreshed and in a good mood. This past week I had occasion to reach for the will to follow this course. Over the last ten days or so I had something in my leg that changed my gait and felt uncomfortable. I wanted it to lift off in a day or two and when it did not, I focused on it some more. I felt myself scanning for something I did “wrong” to cause this. I wanted to look for a “fix”. I felt tired, I focused more. I had some moments of lower mood.
This behavior was letting the habit run and behaving like those in the conventional culture around me would – I got upset and focused on it for a bit. What can I do when I catch myself doing this state? How can I help myself? First, I make it ok. On my life path I will have some discomforts. I felt slowed down, slept more, enjoyed my food, rested. Reading novels held much appeal. Calling on Imagined Figures of Protection and Support, I brightened my mood and I paid attention to what things small or large assisted in lifting spirits. I relished the way I felt after yoga class, the revitalization coming through a mist of discomfort. I name this episode as one of recovery, rest and healing. I learn more about healing. I refine my healing visualizations and get better acquainted with my Forces of Protection.
In a few weeks my leg looked and felt improved. Boy does that feel great– to experience healing after a period of tension, fear and drag… When I had a Feldenkrais session that was particularly energizing, boy did I enjoy that– a freedom in body, more zest and a major shift in mood for the better. I love turning points!
Like reveling in sunshine after a rainy day, when I weather a bit of a “crisis” I experience a shift to the better in a way that I would never feel if all always went without a hitch.
Today I continue to keep my focus on what I can do with my leg. I pay attention to what I want for myself as able-bodied. I move slowly and enjoy some new perspectives that come along with that. I make note when my mood dips and today I did some yoga and then took a movement class to help myself. It worked! Right now my recovery is stronger and I now all this will be a bit of memory very soon.
(Editor’s note: about a year and half has passed since this piece was first written. These days my legs are dramatically better, much more able-bodied. The program of keeping focused on well being and feeling good has paid off for me and continues to do so! YAY!)
Please write with stories of recovery from injury or illness. Particularly focus on how you used your attention and consciousness, what story you tell about this, what worked for you to keep your perspective and what lifted your spirits. Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I benefit from experiencing things I do not prefer. I have patience and I grow more. I keep going. Thanks for reading this blog!