Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Reframing an “Insult” Helps Me Feel Better

Orange Field, 24 x 30, $525

Orange Field, 24 x 30, $525

This post was originally published in 2014. The process inside myself to reframe what felt like an insult serves us well today. Enjoy!

The Post

This week I felt insulted by what a male interest of mine said.  You see, I want him to highly value me and show it with his words.

Feeling hurt and disappointment, his words did not meet my models for respect.

I had not seen him for many months. In my mind if you travel 2 hours to come to this area, you visit me– end of discussion. If he liked me, he would.

Well he got a job to his delight and with his available time went to visit 25-year friends instead of me. ( I had seen him four times to date over 9 months). He and I really cannot be seen as close friends…

As I calmed myself down, I saw that his actions made sense from his point of view. He recently got divorced, he wants to keep his allies close with him as he embarks on a big life change.

Seeing it from his point of view is integral to seeing as Inner Being sees. Perceiving each in innocence doing the best she or he can. As I do that, I soothe myself– isn’t that interesting to notice?

As I cut the other person some slack, I actually cut myself slack too.

He Was Caring for Himself

I eased my disappointment when I realized that he did not see this as about respecting Janet or not. He was caring for himself. If I were asked, I would want him to care excellently for himself.

I want to respect myself and to let in the Love that is flowing all around me. Let me reach for feeling good. Wouldn’t it be nice if I opened my  heart to myself and feel love flowing to me already– regardless of what he or any man says or does? I want to feel great now!

I Was Not Seeing Myself as Magnificent as I am

My feeling hurt was MY guidance letting me know that I was not seeing MYSELF as Inner Being sees me.

Isn’t that cool? Inner Being already loves me. Really I am already getting what I want.

This kind of thinking, plus exercising, yoga, Feldenkrais, friends, laughter, reading a great novel, getting long and luscious nights sleep— these are ways I process the contrast and get clearer what I do want. I want to feel loved and respected now.

I practice that. I open to that.

You have had experiences feeling put upon and then recovering.  I would love to hear them. Please comment.

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