How wonderful to come into our personal power more and more each day! As Readers are learning, we can take charge of what we are thinking and feeling. In these entries, I recount how I steer myself toward feeling good and how I support myself more strongly bit by bit.
Noticing what shows up in my life, I know it reflects something in my energy. I get to take a bow when I really like what I observe, and, if I don’t like what is, then I want to reach for what I can adjust in my focus. Wow even when I don’t like what I see, I can see it as good news– a navigational reading from the dashboard of my life. With that information, I have a chance to make course corrections.
The other day a friend Nancy recounted an incident that she found unsettling. In a business meeting with her supervisor and his other direct reports, each section chief gave a report. In Nancy’s go round, she commented that she felt tired. Later, her colleague Gwen told the boss that with that assertion Nancy sent a message to her colleagues that she worked harder than all of them. In reaction the boss then cautioned Nancy to watch how she spoke at these meetings. Nancy felt misunderstood and disheartened by this exchange. Nancy asked me to comment.
What we feel shows us a hint of what we have going on inside. ( Important foundation: Whatever we feel is ok– it is ok for Nancy to feel what she is feeling.) If we feel not so good, we can know that one of our buttons has been pushed. Good news, we now are aware of some past hurt and we can begin to heal it. Nancy had wanted to please her boss and her colleagues. She also wanted to be able to share her tired feeling.
As I listened to Nancy, I sensed that at center she strongly prefers to be recognized for her purer motives– she wanted greater respect. When I feel bad because I am not being respected by others, I know that I don’t have respect running through me at levels I might prefer. How can I get more respect running? From the culture, we might think we have to do more to impress others — because after all the respect comes from others. Hmmm what I recommend is getting a fire going within of respect for you.
How to begin? I am upset now! Commonly at times like this when we feel upset by events, we review what happened looking for solutions. Unfortunately that habit most often does not produce satisfaction or new ideas — as we think about what we do not want, likely we stir up more of unwanted emotional reactions to those events.
Instead, best to distract yourself with something pleasant– some ride a horse– I listen to a recording or read a novel. Look at a view, watch tv, cook. Find a site with inspirational material. If it feels calming and good, go for it.
When you are calmer, good to begin appreciating what you can. Maybe it is easier to list for what you are grateful. I love that I live where I look out into woods. I see deer daily. In winter, I gaze out on a mountain view. Right now there are layers of mountains, fog, clouds, and sun.
As I stood with Nancy, I started to appreciate aspects of her character I really enjoy. As best I could, I listed how much she had contributed where she worked. Interesting to note, Nancy did not easily take in praise or acknowledge her achievements. Nancy had managed a big project of her section expanding and relocating. More than a year later the results exceed every prediction of success by 50% and more. Personally she grew enormously. There were so many rewards to reap. if she holds this in her mind does it matters so much what Gwen or even her boss thought of her?
I recommend taking time to appreciate morning and night. As you find them bubbling up, mark down what you appreciated in yourself today. As I appreciate myself, I notice I have more patience and compassion for others. If I receive some criticism, it does not sting as much as it used to.
Have you had the experience of feeling good and someone says something a bit nasty? I love the metaphor of the gunk just sliding off greased feathers — and the unwanted beading up, running off with no effect. As I am practicing affirming all my cool qualities :), I am less hurt by others.
Bottom line: I got the sense that Nancy at core wanted greater respect. She can use this spike of feeling, this story, as inspiration to get herself more of what she wants by giving it to herself. And, I contend that the more I respect myself, the more I attract it from others. As I praise myself, I will receive more validation from others.
Who wants to share some wonderful qualities about themselves? Or tell a story that relates here– how you learned to ignore comments that did not affirm you, perhaps or something related. Please send to firstname.lastname@example.org. What you think is so powerful. You rock right now!
example of feeling good and someone saying something and then I don’t care..
Did you think maybe we might feel hurt when we don’t please others because for most of our lives our sense of being worthy came from outside of ourselves. I know you and I are both worthy right now! Soon you will feel it too!
Good news: because we have been made aware of what is inside us ( something we don’t want in this case), we have a shot at clearing it up.