This week I saw how the harsh inner judge can still flash in me. With it I saw how far I have come in easing up from self blame and being able to turn to other things. As I prepared to leave my apartment, piling what I needed at my exit door, I came around and saw with shock that the cup of tea in a travel mug had spilled all over the shag rug at the entrance. Adrenalin poured into my veins. Grabbing a towel, I sopped the hot liquid. Then put on baking soda and tried some rug cleaner. I threw the travel mug into the trash with force. (Then I pulled it out again because it was the only clean one handy 🙂 )
If I had more time I told myself, I would research how to deal with this type of stain. As the clock ticked, still seeing evidence of stain, I poured on more baking soda, patted it down a bit and left for the day.
As I drove away I felt my anger and upset pulsing. In my head voice- I want that rug to be ok. I felt so angry. After another minute I thought to put in the latest recording of the Abraham Hicks teachings. As it started to play, I reminded myself that I want to let go of the upset, that if I hang on to it I will attract more incidents that are upsetting. I do not want THAT!
As I tuned into the recording, I hear Abraham making the point that the questioner cannot review his upset and get help feeling better. To feel good he has to start with a seed of feeling good and grow it. He has to release analyzing his incident and telling a story associated with what he does not want to feel. I felt some soothing and went to my first appointment.
Sitting in a doctor’s waiting room I overheard a woman checking in that she has no one to serve in the role of emergency contact for her. A she sits down , I chat about how I use a friend’s name. Then I told her very briefly about women who moved here “for community”. One of them got very ill and then passed. In her process she brought so many people together. Her presence , then her journey, greatly enhanced the way people related and came together. The way she made community was enlightening to witness. The listening woman said, “I do have trouble receiving”. Then I was called to the doctor. As I walked by her, I took her hand and softly spoke with a smile, “You can receive”. That exchange felt beautiful and important.
Back in the car when the rug spot came to mind, I asked myself where do I want to focus: on the rug or on this sweet encounter. No contest.
And when I got home and vacuumed the spot was gone!
- I felt a pattern of self condemnation spike in experiencing the spill. That had been the juice of the anger. Soon after I was able to change my focus and let myself be soothed by the recording.
- In the medical office I felt centered. From that place I was able to offer support to a stranger and that felt really good.
From inside that self condemnation it is like I have no worth if I spill a drink, have a clumsy moment. In experiencing the woman in the waiting room, I see the value I can offer in just a few minutes. For Heaven’s sake, I have so much to share.
- The impulse to sop up the fluid and then pour on baking soda was helpful guidance though consciously I did not know if it would work at the time. Later I found out that is just what person should do for that type of stain. In fact, I was open to assistance, received it and acted upon it..
I still have moments of self blame with very intense emotions. I still spill stuff. And I am able to shift to where I want to go! I have fine resilience and I beam light to people I meet. Seeing both of these makes progress on my path of Self Love.
Dear Readers, want to play around a bit and practice some self love? Take time to notice the good that you do as you flow through your day. If it is easier, you can start by watching what a friend of yours offered as he or she flows through his or her day. Look for it. See what it feels like to notice it. Do you grab an extra coffee for someone? Do you pick up an item dropped by stranger and return it? Do you wave as you go by? Run an experiment and write me about what happens. I love to hear from you. firstname.lastname@example.org.