Perhaps those of you reading this have seen paintings I have made of a bog. To my knowledge there are not many bogs in VA — I visit one in MA. Friends turned me on to the presence of this particular bog in Acton years ago. Then it turned out where I stay the last few years is quite close to it. I find quiet there, a peaceful soothing atmosphere, and I hang out there during visits.
On my last day of this August vacation my car was packed, and I popped in for a quick walk to the bog– a last look. As I went to leave my vehicle, I reached for my camera– love taking pictures of it– and could not put my hands on it. I looked through where it was supposed to be– then with some adrenaline starting to pump, looked around the passenger seat, through the compact disks, the other bag there. No camera. Thinking fast, I realized I had last used the camera at this bog on yesterday’s walk. I had stowed it in my right hand pants pocket as I walked around. I had also held some art supplies and a three point stool.
Getting out now, I hurried down the path, looking around with energy for this shiny red camera– thinking, thinking- someone must have picked it up– would they have kept it? It is so visible on the path. Soon I run into a couple who have just walked around the bog. No they did not find it. On their smart phone they even call the Acton Police and ask if anyone turned it in. No and no. The man offered that things fall out of pockets. Another person comes by, and I offer her my card in case she comes upon it.
I admit it: I was not having a very good walk. I did not feel good. I felt like I was attempting to keep a wild horse of self judgment and panic from totally dominating my consciousness.
I did take a farewell look at the beautiful place– then returned to the auto. Had I really lost that camera? I love that camera. I loved the many pics I took on my vacation, none of which had yet been downloaded to my computer. Hey I guess that downloading would have been a good idea– but had not taken that action because I was busy going out and having more experience. 🙂
I found my way to the police station, left my card in case the camera was turned in the next little while. Then I got on the roads for the trip back home– destination: New Jersey for the half way sleep over. As I drove I talked with myself— ok looks like I lost my camera. Am I going to remember that Source is with me? Am I going to stick by myself over this loss? If I could see past thinking I behaved poorly– the words on the tip of my tongue “What an idiot!”, in the flow of dips and swings and twists of life, how big a blip is this? Really not such a big deal.
How would I respond if a dear friend had lost their camera? I would tell them they can replace it. He or she had so much Life Force pouring through them. They could enjoy taking pictures again. There would be some fun in selecting and then using a new camera. No doubt at all they are still stellar person– competent– and have a great life.
I started feeling into accepting that I am driving along with no camera till I get home and order one. Ok. It’s ok.
Then after about 45 minutes the ol’ desire for driving munchies came upon me. Oh yes that late morning time where my thoughts turn to a little something. Hmm. I am prepared. As I drove along, I reached over to get a protein bar which I store in a cloth bag on the passenger seat– for just a bite or two. I put a hand in and rummaged around– took a quick look down all the while holding the steering wheel– and oh my God– there was something red and shiny in there. For Heaven’s sake, the red camera!
Well I was relieved. Of course I had looked in that bag– in a panic. By soothing myself I got back to a place where I could see it.
I noticed what a cute phenomenon I had created and played out. The camera had been there all along. I felt like I had had an adventure– was somewhat fatigued from the drama– and the whole business took place in my mind. No one else was involved. Just me and my thoughts.
And I returned to being able to “find” it when I made it ok that I had “lost it”. I had accepted what I feared– made it ok — surrendered and then I could see not only did I have it but there had never been a problem. Nothing had gone wrong. It was even ok that I got upset and recovered. In fact, I feel enriched to observe this inner mechanism with such clarity.
Figured I would share this on the off chance that any of you readers have ever had something like that happen to you— 🙂 I invite you to share your stories at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Meanwhile, I feel so grateful for my camera. Love having the pictures I took this summer. 🙂 Am reviewing how much I love my camera. Something to appreciate….