Can I calm my reactions to other’s words or behavior when it is not the way I want it to be? Can I shift my perception and become receptive to Good?

From my cultural training at times I react– in my head I hear they “should” say something else– they should know better.

I judge them– What a ________ (expletive deleted)!

Instead I want to shape how I react. I want to imagine that this person is doing the best she or he can right now. In doing this I feel better.

Seeing Innocence, the Goodness. Seeing as Inner Being sees.

Illustration

Recently I spoke with a woman who had been quite hurt by an exchange with her sister. Melinda had an invitation to visit her sister Faith’s lake house. Both women have children and grandchildren.

It started with Melinda and her grandson being invited. Melinda then asked if she could bring along her daughter Clara. Clara has had substance abuse problems and though in a recovery process does not yet have a history of significant periods clean and sober.

Faith planned the vacation week to include her son and his two children. The son was concerned at the prospect of Clara joining them and asked that Clara not come. Faith communicated with Melinda that it would be best if Clara did not join them.

Melinda felt hurt. She had wanted to defend and support Clara, her daughter. She chose then not to go to the lake with her.

The other day Melinda wanted to go over this situation with me. Faith had not sent any note nor called since this uncomfortable communication.

My goal in discussing this was to soothe Melinda’s hurt and if it seemed to be ok, gently to point out to Melinda the way Inner Being might see this. Melinda saw now that she had reacted wanting to defend her daughter– she had felt a duty to take Clara’s side. She felt rejected for her.

In Melinda’s mind those with “records” can easily be too harshly judged and not afforded opportunities. That had constituted a big piece of her focus in that call with Faith.

As we talked, she listened well, nodded frequently. She said, “Oh yes– I see what you mean” several times.

In a couple of days I connected again with Melinda. To my surprise and delight she had written a loving note to Faith, putting forth that she saw why Faith felt uncomfortable and extending an olive branch. With a big smile she let me know she felt so much relief and now envisioned a reconciliation before too long.

What an impact shifting our view can make! More looking for the best in people. More seeing them with qualities that humans have doing their best moment to moment.

Do you have examples of good things flowing from seeing the best in yourself or another? I would love to hear them. Please comment.