Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Pleasing Yourself First

Accepting the Shadows 2012

Accepting the Shadows 2012

When I first drew the card “Codependency” from a Doreen Virtue oracle card deck, I thought there had been some mistake. How could this apply to me? I do not have alcoholism in my family, and I am certainlynot a substance abuser myself.

A few weeks later I had a first date with a fellow from an internet dating site. On the way home from a relatively pleasant encounter my inner voices ( one friend calls them “gremlins”) loosed a torrent of self blaming thoughts— “You did not wear the right outfit”, ” You cut him off in conversation”,  “You were too outspoken”. I was able to observe this babble; it felt awful. What’s going on? During that outburst those words flowing inside felt so much like the truth. Wow.

I rode a wave, processing this upset and activated tirade. As I felt able, I reached for what I want to be thinking and feeling, aligned with Source and Who I Really Am. I wanted to feel better!

Several days passed. In one of my morning quiet times when I direct myself toward more balanced and happy, I again pulled the card “Codependency”. I read its description, and a sentence jumped out at me. It said” … Addictions become a barrier to moving toward true emotional intimacy. This is especially true if you are twisting yourself in knots to please a person whose dependency has lessened his or her capacity for happiness.[1]

Greater comprehension of what I do with myself popped into my awareness. Yes, I have often taken the role of the one who cheers up another. When I feel good while doing it, that is a fine thing to do. Often in the past I have offered to others and depleted myself. This is what is referred to above as” twisting yourself into knots”.

An example: Years ago my partner lost his job. I offered to cover his expenses until he had a new one. That turned out to be most of a year. During that time I denied myself some pleasures, and I felt resentment. Offering that support for that long was out of balance. Initially I enjoyed being generous but it became a strain and I persisted anyway.

Codependency is quite common behavior among us. My message in this post: Care excellently for yourself, make balance and ease your watch word.

What about if you have already stretched for another like the woman in the example above? We have to soothe ourselves and keep going. Make it ok that you took that action at that time. You were doing the best you can. This attitude is the embodiment of what it means to forgive yourself.

Everyone of us alive on Planet Earth at this time runs habits of thought some of the time that are not fully aligned with Abundant Possibilities and the Forces of Good. Each individual on this path practices that attunement bit by bit over months and years. That reaching, those processes, constitute what I use to learn to live feeling better and better more of the time.

Thought provoking post? What’s your reaction? Please write me at jpearl@streamofyes.com. I love to hear from you.

[1] Virtue, Doreen, The Romance Angels Oracle Cards Guidebook, p. 22

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