On this path of growth, we want to become more aware and more curious about how we put what we see into mental pictures. What have we loaded into these observations? We will perceive– that is a feature of our humanity- like the characteristic of the sun radiating heat.

Let’s notice our perceptions and the emotions that “seeing that” generates. Do we feel some discomfort in an awareness—a sure sign that some part of ourselves is loaded in there. It’s a flag to pause and review, to learn more.

An Example

Lucille had had one date with Mr X. Soon after she discovered that he had posted a profile on a dating site.  L said, “Well, I’m glad to have the information.”

Later that week she interacted with Wise Counsel. Active in her growth process, L was open to hearing some feedback.

WC: “I see you used the word “information” as an attempt to be neutral to discovering aspects of this man’s dating behavior.  Are you feeling more open now? I sense yes.

Actually, I perceive that you felt upset, maybe anxious and hurt, in viewing his posting on a dating site. In fact, I would guess that you made an assumption:  That man wants another woman and is rejecting me.  The word “information” was your attempt to reach for more calm and balance than you felt.

At this point you might as well admit what went on with you, and take the opportunity for self-discovery.

Lucille: Yes I was upset. Yes, I do want to learn.

WC: Let’s imagine what could possibly be going on with Mr X. Perhaps he has an intense job, family issues with grown children, guilt over backed up chores. Possibly, the man may be confused about what he wants. Maybe, Mr X feels impatient with getting to know another– just wants to get to the closeness and skip all this other stuff :). As he grows, he may get scared to face certain parts of himself. He is full of his own emotions! The guy may have no clue that you were interested in   him.

Lucille: Wow I had not looked at this situation from all his possible perspectives! Your offering offers so much less sting to me! I see now how I invented stories from my own past hurts: I feel soothed now. I feel a lot better when I allow the wider view.

Another Illustration

Janice recounted a incident unfolding this week with her family. Her father defended her sister to the sister’s husband. The sister had not felt loved and respected by the father but after this incident she realized she had been misperceiving for years.

J said, “We feel an emotion and then we made up a story that becomes our “go-to” perception about the matter.” That incident had a profound impact on the sister and on her relationship with her father. She changed how she saw things and felt enormously better.

Take away for readers:

• Pay more attention to our emotions. Ask how do I feel?
• What story did we just create? Can we shift our perception, even a little.
• Can we see more “Good” in this account. Is there an opportunity to give the benefit of the doubt or to look for something to appreciate? Can we refocus my lens on some bit to enjoy?

Do you have some stories of how you changed your view of events and then felt better? Please share them at jpearl@streamofyes.com. With every reframe you are progressing for yourself and contributing to All That Is!

Earlier draft

My experience arises from how I perceive what is going on around me. In my life I am pursing a practice to look for really cool and fun things happening regularly! I want to see myself as wise, confident, competent, sure and beautiful so I am practicing that perception. All these blog  essays represent entries observed on that journey.

This week a friend Lucille discovered that a man she has been dating posted a profile on a popular dating site. She reacted with upset and said  “Well I’m glad to have the information.” As I listened, use of that word “information” bugged me. After a couple of days when she felt calmer and more balanced, I had a chance to explain my awareness: the word information sounds like it means something objective and detached. She was telling herself she reacted neutrally. It was clear to me, though, she thought this man was moving on to other women and in so doing, rejecting her.  She had filtered what she had learned, and it went to upset without her realizing what happened.

Another friend Janice recounted a incident unfolding this week with her family. Her father defended her sister to the sister’s husband. The sister had not felt loved and respected by the father but after this incident she realized she had been misperceiving for years. Janice said, “We feel an emotion and then we made up a story that becomes our “go-to” perception about the matter.” That incident had a profound impact on the sister and on her relationship with her husband. She changed how she saw things and felt enormously better.

We all do this. Let’s get more aware and more curious. What have we loaded into these observations? We will perceive– that is a feature of our humanity- the sun will radiate heat, a characteristic. How can we know what is loaded into our perception? Our emotions are the indicator.  If I notice discomfort in what I experienced, that is the flag to tell me to review what I just “saw”.  What did I tell myself about this?

Here is an example involving looking more closely at what is going on for the other person. When I spoke with Lucille, I hypothesized what could be going on for her date:  he doesn’t have time to date because he has an intense job, a creative life, grown children, household chores and more. What if he is confused about what he wants. Possibly he feels impatient with getting to know another– just wants to get to the closeness and skip all this other stuff :). He feels afraid and wants to avoid facing parts of himself. He is full of his own emotion and did not intend to reject her.

This account soothed her, this view was so much less personal with less sting. As the interaction between Lucille and her male friend is unfolding, she now see that her assumption,  “the information”, e.g. “I am rejected”, was untrue.  Telling it this way she felt better.

What story do we tell ourselves? I  proceed with alertness in my day to how I feel as events unfold.  Can I see more Good in the story I am seeing? In the case of Lucille, with my help she opened herself to perceive an action from a busy, confused and good man . It felt worlds better :).

Take away for readers: I can pay more attention to my emotions. If I feel “off” or worse, I can inquire to myself what did I just perceive and what story did I create about it? Can I  shift what I see, even a little. Is there an opportunity to give the benefit of the doubt or to look for something to appreciate? Can I refocus my lens on some bit to enjoy?

Do you have some stories of how you changed your view of events and then felt better? Please share them at jpearl@streamofyes.com. With every reframe you are progressing for yourself and contributing to All That Is!

About the Author

Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. These posts demonstrate everyday applications of the path to greater self knowledge and mastery. Opportunities for greater empowerment abound in the moments of our lives. As we all go for operating from a centered and loving space, we are creating a world where peace can prevail. In her forty-seven year journey of self-discovery, Janet has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes, Inayat Khan and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.