My friend Ernie recently commented to me “I figure if it’s meant to happen, it will.” I had not thought about that phrase for a long time- it bugged me– it felt like someone who says that has less power than I know they have. Here, I want you to understand how you can do better for yourself, be more directive than the sentiment of the song  Que Sera Sera, so prevalent in our culture.

First I appreciate that saying ” If it is meant to be” helps us take life easier. Part of our culture declares “CHARGE!” Pedal to the medal. Work really hard. Those of you who have been reading this blog know that this approach is counterproductive. It is too much action and not enough feeling good, ease and letting go.

This spring in dating one man decided that I was the key to his having a social life. He pursued me — the day after any meeting he was emailing with plans for the next time and the next time. The invitations struck me as “pummeling”– not the sensation that wins a girl’s heart. This was too much effort :).

“What will be, will be” may remind folks to dial back and trust in flow of the Universe a little more. A piece of “it is meant to be” encourages us to make what is presenting ok. That is part of the taking life easier. Accepting what is happening now is a precursor to focusing on how I can feel better. I have experienced this time and again, the importance of surrendering into where I am right now. It was a key phase of last week’s blog entry called The Red Camera. This ease is a very good thing about this sentiment.

But we can go further. “If it is meant to be” calls up a half-hearted hoping, maybe even a bit of depression, a weak looking out for results. How do you feel about that the adage? Those who use that phrase do not understand the power they have to shape their lives. They do not need to be spectators– they can create wonderful things; they can get some things they want.

For those who read this blog regularly, you know I recommend noticing our thoughts, and pointing ourselves toward feeling better. What can we appreciate? What do we want and why do we want it?

There is a couple I heard about recently where the man is becoming disenchanted with the marriage, is misrepresenting his activity to his wife and the wife resents this. If both parties keep on that trajectory are they “meant to be” together? Well in my view one pulls away, feels unhappy and the other judges and resents– things are heading for parting. If neither one pays attention to what is going on inside them and does nothing to uplift his or herself, the momentum of pulling apart will likely prevail.

Bringing more awareness to the situation can provide a change in direction– more awareness and applying the tools of inner focus that we discuss in this blog. We can wield the power to adjust momentum in situations where we want a different effect. Isn’t that cool to know?

I cannot control what another person does but with practice I can master whether I judge and resent. The feeling quality of sending acceptance and understanding to another feels so differently. When I send a wave of compassion ( no need to approve of the behavior, just feel the person is alive and worthy of care) , I feel better. I don’t feel good when I hate– ( I am sure you have noticed this 🙂  ).  Do I expect either party the soother or the recipient of soothing to shift on a dime to this open caring? No it will require focus and allowing a change bit by bit. I am more fluid at it now with many years of practice. When I rally and direct my focus I actively create.

Last year in the blog entry “The Awesome Power of Appreciation” I recount how a small group of us saved a rental space from what seemed an inevitable need to move elsewhere. This is such a good example of what a person can do for themselves. In that situation if I had relied on “what is meant to be” passively, I would definitely had to move the office. Instead,  through focusing our minds with appreciation, we negotiated a good deal for ourselves easily and with good vibes. To read that piece, put the title into the search box for the blog and see what you think. 🙂

One more point: when I reach for feeling better and better, I align with the Force of Good. When I make that bit of effort, I summon a space where all that is good is possible. In this process, relaxed and in the flow, I will likely be surprised and delighted by the means by which what I was after comes forth. Yes we want to dial back from strain. Do some focusing. Know that what we want is to feel good and we are practicing that.

Summary: We can do better than settling for “What is meant to be”. Yes Good things are there for us. Yes, it is far better to take life easier than to Push Against. I recommend teaching ourselves how to feel better bit by bit and then allow a bounty to unfold for us.

Do you have comments or questions on this article? If so, please contact me at jpearl@streamofyes.com.  Sharing with one another is so much fun.