Janet Pearlman

Living in the Stream of Yes

Ease My Mind in Dating 


Dame Rocket Spring, 9 x 12, Acrylic, $120

Dame Rocket Spring, 9 x 12, Acrylic, $120

How powerful to ease my mind as I venture forth into the dating arena! Isn’t it great to claim the power to shape my experience? Golly I get so many pay offs from this kind of awareness!

I am realizing what some of my mental pictures are of  “having a boyfriend.”

Then when the actions of this man do not match that model, I create upset.

I will use an incident in the life of Rhonda and Eric as example. There was a bit of a snowstorm and then during the next day the roads near Rhonda’s home got slippery from the car traffic. She lives on a private road so her road and driveway both steep slopes were not treated. Eric wanted to come visit. He did call her and ask about road conditions. Then over he came. First his truck could not get up her street. He wanted her to take her car out on the roads to solve his problem– she said no. Then he walked form one street down and arrived at her door in regular shoes, no boots.

Rhonda got very upset inside.  She wanted someone dating her to be intelligent and she wanted it to show up as thinking ahead, understanding road conditions, being prepared and handling it elegantly. To her these qualities mean she will be safer and better protected. In that incident Eric did not meet that model.

What we really want in life is to feel good. And as you readers know from past blogs, I am enjoying learning how to create that feeling state myself.

Here are some things that assisted Rhonda to recover:

She took time for herself which included time a week off from seeing Eric. She wanted time to find ease again and allow her spirits to lift naturally. At first she was blaming him for her upset and she wanted to redirect her thoughts and feelings. During that week she did things that restore her– express her creative self, read novels,  exercised intensely, watched movies, talked with and had visits with women friends and more.

When she did not categorize her relationship with Eric as “boyfriend,” she felt better. Feeling free and uncommitted lifted her mood.  She liked, “I can choose what I do with my time and who I am with.” She felt so much better. In fact when she felt into being free, she felt great.

She asked herself, “Can I have some fun with Eric? Have I enjoyed some times with him?” “yes”. Well alrighty then I will do that– return to present time and stay in the moment.

Wow look at how she can create chains of bondage in her mind, she realized!   Thoughts like”I am tied to someone whose behavior frightens and disappoints me.”  Instead, ” I am a free woman. I take time to myself as I need it. I spend time with a man and we enjoy one another’s companionship.”  ” I have a friend.” hard to convey the relief she felt shifting in this way.

Yikes, if she had continued feeling so awful and thinking as her reactive parts did, ( one could say as her place of fear did),  she would want to withdraw entirely and move on. As an alternative, she soothed herself and got “back in the saddle,” ready to create opportunities to have fun and share some further experiences.

Did she go to “just friends”? She chose to proceed with a “we’ll see”. Let me return to present time, breathe, and experience.

Are you seeing how you create some of your upsets? Was this post of value to you? Did you receive something to think about? Please let me know your comments. I love to hear from you. Isn’t it wonderful to inspire one another!









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