Many of us put focus on improving our self-compassion. We are becoming aware of how deeply Good we are as humans.
Ernest Holmes asserts, “There is a Power operating through me, a Presence inspiring, guiding, and sustaining me. Upon this Power, I place my reliance. In this Presence I feel myself to be an outlet of immeasurable Good….
I am conscious that there is an Infinite Wisdom directing me. Whatever I should know, I will know….and because of this Infinite Intelligence that is mine and within me now, I am compelled to recognize my Good.”[1]
Unfortunately, many of us have been acculturated to criticize ourselves and our value. We have not yet integrated how Good we are. In this process of unfolding, let’s place self-compassion front and center. Let’s appreciate where we are at any moment, even in those instances when we catch ourselves with an outdated perspective of finding fault.
Here, we encourage showing kindness to ourselves. As a result, we are able to create change more effectively and experience more joy on the journey.
Tasmin feels Distress
Tasmin wanted to get some advice from a wise and experienced friend. T began, “I have been crying and feel very upset. I realize I have been inauthentic to Craig (this man I’ve been seeing). I wanted him to visit for longer and more frequently. In a light way I asked him if he was running home to his girlfriend.
Oh Gosh. I am so bad. I really don’t want him to have a woman other than me!”
Tas felt distraught, so ashamed of her behavior. Wise Counsel offered a perspective from the book Good Morning, I love You by Shauna Shapiro. Shapiro points out the chemical effect in our beings when we trigger shame.
“When we feel shame the amygdala, the part of our brain that is central to memory, decision making and emotional responses, triggers a cascade of norepinephrine and cortisol chemicals that increase our stress level, narrow our perspectives n perceived ‘threats’ and inhibit our cognitive flexibility. Shame puts in the fight, flight or freeze survival response, thereby inhibiting the learning center of the brain… If we want to learn from our mistakes, we need a compassionate mind set, not shame. “[2]
The Advice
What could Tasmin say to herself that would be more constructive? Her trusted companion responded,
“First let’s understand why the dear one inside you behaved that way. You meant to respect Craig. You did not want to demand too much from him or crowd him. We can see you were feeling your way to interest him, maintain the connection and the flow.
In this processing, you now discern your own inner desires. You DO want more from him, i.e. exclusivity, a bit more commitment and closeness, perhaps more frequent visits. Isn’t that good to know your true desires! You have more clarity about what you want, always a good thing!
You have a bright future! When you feel ready, you can share with him that which you have learned about what you want at a deeper level. You can accept yourself as you enjoy this companion, enjoying the awareness that you want more commitment. Will he be turned off when you inform him that you want that? We don’t know until we ask. You can choose what you ask and when.
As you prepare to share more of your heart, you support yourself. You are worthy of your own love for yourself right now.”
Did this piece offer some insight? Do you have a story about self-compassion to share? Please comment! We love empowering one another.
About the Author
Janet Pearlman is a spiritual teacher, counselor, healer and artist. These posts demonstrate everyday applications of the path to greater self knowledge and mastery. Opportunities for greater empowerment abound in the moments of our lives. As we all go for operating from a centered and loving space, we are creating a world where peace can prevail. In her forty-seven year journey of self-discovery, Janet has deeply studied the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Holmes, Inayat Khan and more. Janet offers individual sessions by phone and in person. Please contact her at jpearl555@earthink.net to arrange an appointment.
[1] Holmes, Ernest, 365 Science of Mind Reader ( New York: Jeremey P. Tarcher/Penquin, 2001) p.153
[2] Shauna Shapiro, Good Morning, I Love You, (Boulder, CO, Sounds True, 2020) p. 79