As I reach to change my habits of thought, I respect myself with understanding the process: it requires a good bit of practice and an unknown time factor.
A story from internet dating and matters of the heart:
As Eloise proceeded to change toward thoughts that feel good, she became more and more aware of what she is feeling in each moment.
Impressive to notice the intensity with which internet dating stimulated patterns of thought– yowser! The vulnerability related to romantic relationships stirred all kinds of stuff. She observed reactions to each part– the writing about herself, the sending off an email and waiting for response, the planning of the meeting, the first date, the next steps and on.
In the years of dating, she cleared false premises bit by bit.
As she went Eloise began to liken her process to surfing, riding waves. Hey! in that sport, a person falls off the board often– being dumped off the board into the ocean is part and parcel. She reached for maintaining a calm enjoyment– could she learn not to take it personally?
Could she feel secure no matter what the men did or said– could she feel that cherishing of self?
Recently, our heroine met Mac online. He messaged her and she was glad to respond. In their early flow they both expressed interest and enjoyed things in common. After three days of electronic exchange, Mac sent his phone number and suggested a call. The call went well after which he said he wanted to be friends, communicate, enjoy further phone calls and meet.
Eloise has had quite a bit of experience with this dating dance. Up to this point, the process had not resulted in someone with whom it felt right to get close romantically. The journey had provided much practice, and she knew she had raised her self esteem dramatically.
Point: she noticed she felt quite nervous– Oh my! She spotted an outdated thought pattern showing up–“He might not find her good enough.Maybe her strengths would be a turn off. She felt shaken, afraid.”
“Wait a minute!” thought Eloise. “I want to uplift this old habit. I love my attributes and want to be all I can be.”
Wait a minute! A good match will value her expression and cheer her on.
A moment of refocus. AHH
She lifted her mood with this awareness and shift. The fear dissipated. Isn’t that cool she has the power to shift and grow like that?
You can too.
It just takes practice. 🙂
Do you have a story to tell reporting on your journey with this? Please comment.